


Companion

by Sicariluv



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2014-06-23
Packaged: 2018-02-05 22:03:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1833823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sicariluv/pseuds/Sicariluv
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Winter Soldier gets a Companion</p>
            </blockquote>





	Companion

 

Make him happy they said, but they never really explained what I was up against.

 

Though the room was bare concrete except for the observing glass the first thing I notice is him. They never told me he was handsome or that he was young. I expected a toothless monster standing in front of me ready to pull me apart by each limb. His dark brown hair hung just below his ears. His blue eyes they darted from mine kept me more captivated than I’d like to admit. My hands wrung in front of me. I smiled but the hands gave away my nervousness. He barely looked at me. Turning his head he frowned. I paused. Having no idea what to say or do I was frozen. The fact that he hadn’t acted immediately took me by surprise. I thought he was the one who was looking for a companion.

          His bare chest rose and fell. A slight snarl formed on his lips. I felt my own part with fear.

          “Why are you here?” He asked.

          My mouth opened more to answer but only a slight squeak came out.

          He was there before I knew it. He slammed me against the concrete wall. His arm they had warned me about held my throat. The cold of the steel arm that he wore startled me. As well as recognizing the fingers only formed the shape of my throat but put no pressure on my skin.

          His blue pained eyes searched my own for an answer.

          “Let me go?” I asked softly.

          The doors burst open and he jumped back away from me. He moved as far to the wall as he could. The men entered holding a stick of electricity made to keep him calm. He hadn’t done anything. I found myself rushing in between the men and the man I was ordered to “keep happy”.

          “Don’t!” I shout. “He didn’t hurt me!”  I pleaded with them. Is this what they wanted? Would this make them as well as him happy? A threat of a step forward from one of the men cause me to flinch and he was then in front of me. His stance was ready to defend me if need be. I found myself wrapping my arms around his strong waist and weaving my arm through his human arm. I tugged him back gently knowing there was nothing I could do to really stop him. He was too strong. I had been warned.

          The men backed away and I released my grip on him. His body eased and the sound of the door locking us in echoed through the room. I stood only a few steps behind him. He looked up and sighed. I imagined his eyes were closed and he was regaining his composure. The muscles in his back flexed. I knew what they had asked of me and it was undesirable but he was desirable.

          He turned to me again. “Why did you do that?” He asked accusing

          “I didn’t want them to hurt you. I know they do.” I answer

          I see his lips move and realize this is where I will find all that he needs to tell me. The movements of his mouth would let me know if he was happy or pleased or sad. His nostrils flared.

          “Why are you here?” He asked again

          I move to the bed in the room.

          “I have been asked to keep you happy.” He has been isolated. He is not stupid. I sit on the bed.

          A huff of air flows through his nostrils. He turns from me and paces the room. Fists clenched. I watch him and study him. Nothing about his movements makes me feel as though I should be ready to defend myself. Everything I have ever been told about him makes me want to. I know that is part of the problem with his life. No one trusts him not to strangle them at any moment. He stops and looks at me. Really looks at me. He sees that I am wearing a white mini halter dress that is low cut all the way to my midsection. I wasn’t sure how my breasts hadn’t come flying out as of yet. White spiked heels were on my feet. I had to take some time to learn to walk in them. My blonde hair is not pulled up but is styled in an old fashioned way. They said he would like it. I felt like they were wrong.

          He walks quickly and gracefully to the bed. My heart pounds. He stands close to me, so close I can feel the heat radiate from his bare skin.

          “Are you a hooker?” He asks

          The innocence in his question almost makes me giggle. I stop myself. He doesn’t deserve to be made fun of. I clear my throat.

          “I have been asked to make you happy whatever that may be.” I respond

          “You’re being forced?” He says. I’m not sure if it’s actually a question or a statement. My heart pounds harder. I am not doing what I was sent here to do. This is not working.

          “I….I am not being forced.” I push out the answer. It was a terrible lie and I couldn’t have lied to the sadness in his eyes if I tried. He knew. His top lip curled and his nostrils flared. He gently grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the door. I stumble surprised by his actions.

          “Go away!” He says and pounds on the door.

          Fear sears through my body.

          “Come take her away!” He shouts and pounds again.

          I fall to my knees in front of him and grab his belt loops.

          “Please I’ll do anything. Anything you want. Don’t send me out there.” I beg.

          He pulls me up to standing eye level with him. Quicker than I see it his arm is around my waist. He lifts me and pushes me against the wall. His breath is warm on my neck.

          “Will they hurt you?” He asks in my ear.

          I wrap my arms around him and bury my face in the crook of his neck.

          “Yes.” I answer.

          He pulls back. He wants to see if I’m lying. A tear spills over my cheek.

          “Turn me around. Please? Or they’ll know.” I plead

          He does slipping his hands under my bottom holding me perfectly steady. I wipe the tears away and place my hands on his shoulders. His jaw is clenched. He is angry that I’m sad and they are using me like him. I touch his face and he flinches slightly but moves in to the touch. He closes his eyes and sighs.

          “I haven’t felt a gentle hand for a long time.” He says.

          I want to cry for him. To cry about what they are doing to him and to cry for what they are doing to me. I trail my fingers from his chin to his chest where I let them linger longer than I should. He frowns and put me down. He strides to the glass and with his metal arm he punches with so much force it shakes the room. I rush to him and grab his hand pulled him away.

          “Stop!” I plead

          I force him, but know he lets me, into an embrace.

          “They’ll make me leave.” I whisper. “I don’t want to.”

          He snorts. “You’re just saying that.”

          “Give me a chance?” I ask.

          His metal arm touches the small of my back and I shiver. It was already cold in the room. He pulls away. I’m afraid he’s angry again. I follow closely. He moves to the bed and picks up a plain white t-shirt. He hands it to me.

          “Put this on. You look like a hooker.” He says

          I scrunch up my face, but the slight upturn of his lips lets me know he’s teasing. I take the shirt and pull it over my head messing up the hairstyle. The t-shirt is big but it feels better. I pull the skirt lower closer to my knees. He sits on the bed and runs his fingers through his hair. I sit on the bed with him but give him space. I don’t want him to have any other correct assumptions about me. I was a whore and was living out the life of a whore. I would be sleeping with him right now if that’s what he wanted. I look away from him ashamed of myself. I see the glass is now cracked but not broken. I sigh and move my eyes back to my troubled comrade.

          I kick off my shoes revealing freshly pedicured toes and I see he notices. I don’t make a comment about it though just wonder if he’s ever seen it before.

          I cross my legs and try to relax. What was I going to talk about with a 95 year old man?

         

          “You played rock, paper, scissors?” The man who started all of this asked

          “A very intense game. Yes.”

          “Nothing else?”

          I stare at his wrinkled face wishing I didn’t owe him anything but I owed him everything.

          “Nothing else was requested of me.” I answered

          “Did that make him happy?”

          “I don’t know what makes him happy.” I answer coolly.

          He stood abrubtly and pounded his fist on the table.

          “It’s your goddam job to find out!” He shouts.

          I flinch. I wasn’t sure who I was more scared of the handsome monster in the cage or the older man in front of me. Shifting in my chair I respond.

          “I will try harder.” I say swallowing any amount of pride I have stored in the recesses of my brain.

          “Keep him happy or you will be the saddest person on the face of the earth. I close my eyes pushing away tears tickling the lids.

          “You know he won’t remember you. There won’t be any reason to form any sort of bond with him. We only need you to keep him temporarily satisfied.” He says coldly and with a nasty grin. I sit up in my chair.

          “Why won’t he remember me?” I ask. More than I realize I want him to remember me.

          “We wipe his memory clean nearly every day.” He says with an easy shrug.

          “Oh.” I didn’t hide the sadness in my voice. If I could’ve done it over again I would have.

          “No need to get attached. You’re just temporary.”

          The words stung.

          “Can I go?” I ask.

          “Go.” He says forcefully. I listen and exit quickly. The pounding in my chest rose to an unsteady level. After rounding the nearest corner I lean against the wall and press my face in my hands suppressing a scream.

          After calming myself down I head back to my room. It was nearly as well decorated as the soldiers. Gray cement and at least there was a painting. I would push for a plant or maybe some flowers soon.

          I shower and towel dry my hair. I pulled on a pair of blue jean shorts folded at the knee and a plaid long sleeve shirt. The shoes were blue and tan Bobs. The maniacs that provided me clothing donated to a good cause, go figure. There seemed to be a room for everything in this hole I lived in. The cafeteria was a few doors down and there was actually a salon. Nothing fancy of course but it was my duty to report there before my daily visit.

          Inside the salon was a petite girl with many tattoos. I believed she too had been “rescued” from a similar life as my own but we didn’t say a lot to one another. Simply followed orders. She was around 5” 2’ with a tiny frame that made her look like a young girl but she was good at styling hair I’d give her that. She followed orders as the rest of us did. She had already been told how to style my hair. I sit quietly pouting. It was sad to know I’d be seeing him again but he wouldn’t recognize me. It would be like groundhog’s day every day meeting him. We’d go over the same things. Play the same games. Tell the same stories. Laugh at the same jokes. Though he hardly laughed. I would pull it out of him if it was the last thing I did. His smile though brief was worth losing to the steel arm that we found always won, paper, rock, scissors, it didn’t matter he would win with that arm.

          Before I knew it the girl was done with my hair and she was in my face applying makeup. She hadn’t done much the day before. Today was different. It was caked on. I looked like a different person. He wouldn’t recognize me.

          “All done.” She said.

          I looked in the mirror. My blonde hair was style high and to the side with loose curls. My makeup was a heavy smoky eye and red lips. An evening look. Great another dress.

          “Thanks.” I said and hopped from the chair.

          In my dressing room I met Mr. Pierce and one of his assistants. He smiled showing my approval. Pulling a long evening dress from the rack he held it out to me.

          “Put this on.” He said

          I was relieved it was long. I took it from him.

          “Change.” He said

          “Okay.” I responded

          “Now.” He said

          I had to hold back my anger. He never took lightly to my rebellion. I handed the dress back to him. He took it with a smile. I unbuttoned the shirt I wore and tossed it in the closest chair. I pulled my shorts off and did the same with those.

          “No need for underwear with this dress.” He said

          My nostrils flared and his face became stern. I pushed the anger back down inside and pulled my bra off. The smiles from him and his assistant made my stomach turn. The panties were next. I stood feeling bare. My hands to my sides, I waited. Ten seconds felt like ten minutes.

          “Told you there would be perks to the job.” Mr. Pierce said and nudged his associate.

          I hated him. If I could scratch his eyes out now I would, buck naked and all. But he would just order him to murder me and it would hurt so badly to be killed by the beautifully broken man that pulled at my heart strings.

          “May I please have the dress?”  I asked

          He chuckled slightly and handed it over. I pulled it on as fast as I could. It was strapless with a thick elastic band running over my breast that held up the top. A triangle strategically placed between each breast didn’t leave enough to the imagination. Low on my waist was another band that rested lightly. Even though I was happier with the dress earlier I hadn’t noticed the slits on the sides. They ran up to my thigh the complete length of the dress. Mr. Pierce handed over a pair of black heels. While placing them on my feet I spoke to him.

          “With all due respect sir, if he didn’t like the look last night what makes you think he’ll like it today?” I ask

          “Moods change my dear.” He answered

          “What did you feed him Viagra?” My smart mouth always got me in trouble. I made sure to smile as sweetly as I could.

          “Now that is an idea.” He said and laughed slapping his assistant on the back. They left the room and I followed them rolling my eyes behind them. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as we neared his room. “ _We wipe his memory clean nearly every day_ ” Haunted my thoughts and saddened my heart. As we turned the corner closest to him room he was walking in as well followed by two men. Were they protecting him? Or everyone else? As he arrived at the door he cut his eyes to the men behind him who took a step back. He opened and closed the door slamming it behind him. The noise made my heart fall to my stomach.

          “Good luck dear.” Mr. Pierce said touching my shoulder and shoving me to the door. I sigh. look back at his stupid smirking face and enter the room with him.

          “I want to be alone.” He screams and turns to face me. His face was full of rage. His face softens when he sees me but his body language doesn’t change. He is in full combat gear. He tears the gloves from his hands and throws them on the floor near me. My back pressed to the door I watch as he unzips his jacket and throws it again close to me. He sits on the bed glaring in my direction and takes a boot off. He throws it at the glass that is still cracked and the other hits the wall next to me before I knew he even throws it. It bounces off the wall and hits the ground by my feet. I jump startled by the inanimate boot. My eyes are directed at him again. His hands are on his belt. My heart rate increases. He unbuckles the belt and quickly unzips his pants. He takes them off and again tosses them in my direction. He is left in a black t-shirt and gray boxer briefs. Did they explain to him what I’m here for? Is he willing tonight? Will I actually be his whore this time? Internally my thoughts are berating. Don’t kid yourself. You turned in to a whore the minute you signed on with Mr. Pierce.

          “You’re a little overdressed to do laundry.” He says to me.

          The shock from his words makes me giggle. With all the things I thought I was going to be doing it wasn’t his laundry. I pick his clothes up and knock on the door to be let out. They open it taking the clothes from me and shoving me back in. Words are formed in my open mouth but stops with the click of the lock. I lean my forehead on the door placing my hands to steady the butterflies rocking my body. I hear a slight shuffle of noise and turn to see black socks sliding across the floor in my direction. He is lying on his back arm draped across his forehead.

          “Not doing my laundry? What do you want?” he asks

          “I’m here to entertain you.” I say

          His eyes cross sideways and meet mine. He sits up. Interest is written all over his handsome face. His jaw was stern but his eyes were soft. The blue calmed my nerves.

          “Can you sing?” He asks

          I walk slowly towards him. This seduction thing was not easy. Shaking my head I sit in a chair and cross my legs in front of me. I may have as well been wearing the four inch skirt from the night before. Everything to my thigh shows. The only draping has fallen to the side of my leg.

          “Magician?” He asks

          I laugh. “No sleeves.” I say holding up my arms. He gets the joke but turns his head. He doesn’t want me to see the slight upward turn of his lips. I see it. I catch it. I know where to look.

          “No instruments either.” He says. He’s lost interest. His eyes wander the room avoiding mine.

          “There’s no other way I can entertain you?” I ask sweetly.

          “Get out.” He says.

          There it was again. I failed again. I put my hands in my lap and feel the quiver of my lips. If only he would remember me.

          “I asked you to leave.” He said

          “You told me to leave!” I spit back

          “Then leave! I’m going to sleep. How can YOU possibly entertain me while I’m sleeping?” He asks the question but doesn’t really expect an answer. He throws his legs back on the bed and turns on his side away from me.

          I stand defeated. I failed again. I walk quickly to the door and knock. They pull me out harsh with their hands. Mr. Pierce is there.

          “The man has barely seen a woman for 70 years and you can’t even get his attention?!” He roars

          He grabs my arms slamming me against the observation window. I lose balance and fall to the floor.

          “Get up!” He yells

          I scramble to stand. He pushed me again. I regain my composure. He grabs me and turns me around to face the window. He is there watching. His eyes are wide. He is shocked by what he sees being done. Mr. Pierce grabs me by the hair and slams my head in to the window. I let out a yelp.

          “You are failing me. Don’t let it happen again!” He pulls me away from the window and slaps my face so hard I was sure there was going to be a bruise. Tears spill over my cheeks as I meet his eyes. They are wide with concern. Mr. Pierce grabs me and pulls me away from the window as he raises a fist to the window. I am pleading with my eyes for him to remember me.

          I am dragged back to my room where my shoulders blades are slammed into the door to my room.

          “I’m sorry. I won’t fail again.” I shout begging for forgiveness.

          “You’re damn right you won’t!” He said

          “But if he’s happy. Even if it’s a silly game that’s all that matters right?” I ask “As long as he’s happy?”

          Mr. Pierce lets go.

          “If you think a game is what makes a man happy you’re DEAD wrong!” He says it as a threat and walks away.

          “Mr. Pierce, what’s his name.” I ask

          He stops walking and turns back impatient with my questioning.

          “He doesn’t have a name.” He says

          “But…what do I call him?”

          “Soldier, call him Soldier.”      

__________________________________________________________________

          Boss man lets me shop for the day. He allows me to try things my way. I just need a few simple items. Security is everywhere but only one pretends to be my “boyfriend”. I need normal clothes and a sweatshirt. It’s too cold in the soldier’s room. I find a place to purchase jeans and luckily find a sweatshirt there too. There was no intention of abusing my privilege’s for the day.

          While finishing up shopping I stop for the hundredth time and remember the shocked look on his face. He wasn’t happy about what had happened to me. One thing I knew, each time I met him I was making an impression. Somewhere in the poor washed brain of his hopefully he would remember me. I had only dealt with this trauma for a couple of weeks. He had for a lifetime. I found myself staring in space when my mock boyfriend nudges me. At the register I pay the girl. Her eyes linger on the bruise left by Mr. Pierce. I try not to scowl. Her mind is probably picturing what had happened only thinking it was the man standing next to me not the man I was going _home_ to. She thanks me softly and I tell her the same. If only I had been a cashier.

          I shower again before my meeting. I was looking forward to it this time. Butterflies were still there. I meet the hairstylists and instruct her to straighten my hair. It was decently straight to begin with but a little run through with the flat iron never hurt. She insists on makeup to cover the bruising but it’s not over done. She used a dark green and dark brown liner creating a soft line around my eyes. I loved it. It made the flecks of green in my brown eyes stand out like never before. I genuinely thanked her before I left.

          Blue jeans, a black T-shirt, and a white hoodie was the chosen outfit for the night. Skechers adorned my feet and I felt like I was walking on air. A new bit of confidence found in my step. I entered the cafeteria grabbing a muffin and a bottle of water. In a few bites the banana but muffin had been consumed. I step in the hallway and am on the way to see if the soldier is in his room.

          “Hey.” I hear his voice yell. I spin in the direction of the sound.

          He is being walked in the opposite direction from his room. Guards are all around him but he is desperately trying to get them to stop.

          “Ma’am! Are you okay?” He yells again.            

I wasn’t sure. He is talking to me. I jog to him, to them. They stand in front of him. He is shirtless again.

          “Where are you going?” I ask

          “Patient needs to see a doctor.” A guard responds

          “But it’s…. I’m only a few minutes early.” I ask.

          “Are you alright?” The soldier insists. He recognizes me from the day before. My heart leaps!

          “Ye…Yes I’m alright.” I answer

          His eyes. He looks younger, lighter. He is less programmed. They are taking him to be washed now.

          “Please don’t take him?” I beg. “Let me talk to him.”

          “Bosses orders.” The same guard answers

          “I’ll call him. He’s letting me call the shots today. Please wait.” I whip out my cell and dial Pierce’s number.

          He answers. “How can you be calling me when your mouth should be wrapped around his…?”

          “Mr. Pierce, please, they haven’t taken him back yet. I want to see him. To talk to him before they do.” My eyes meet his. He is pained. He knows what is about to happen. They tell me it hurts him and he remembers the pain. “Please let me. Just this once? Please?” I have never stared this long into someone else’s eyes before. Mr. Pierce’s voice woke me from the trance.

          “Give the phone to the guard in charge.” He says

          I do and he takes it. I hear the loud voice on the receiver and so does the soldier.

          “ _If he tries anything put him down_.” The impatient voice says on the line we shouldn’t be hearing. My mouth drops open and immediately closes. I try not to bring any alarm to the soldier.

          “Take him back.” The guard says.

          They move nearly knocking me out of the way. He looks back and I can see he is thankful. I’m not far behind the quick pace of the guards. His door is opened and they scramble to unlock his cuffs. They are scared out of their wits of one unarmed man. Though he was armed, with an amazing arm. I follow in the room behind him.

          He turns to me. His bare chest is all I need to make my blood turn hot.

          “You were here last night.” He said

          I nod. I bite my lower lip. I don’t want to say too much. I want him to talk to me. I want to hear his words.

          “To entertain me.” He says with a frown

          I roll my eyes to the ceiling. He steps forward and instinctively I stepped back. He frowned. He knew I was scared. The last thing I wanted was to upset him. Butterflies pushed away I stepped towards him. He takes a few steps of his own. He hand reaches out and touches my bruised cheek. It hurts. I flinch. With a small amount of pressure from his thumb I realize what he is doing.

          “How many more bruises are you hiding under this mask?” He asks

          I shake my head. My bottom lip starts to become sore. I pull his hand away from my face and hold it longer then I need to. He is warm. He is hot. Even in the sweatshirt I am still chilled.

          “What’s your name?” He asks

          “What’s yours?” I ask him

          He frowns again. The frown makes my chest ache.

          He answers

          “I am Sam.” I finally reply

          “Sam?”

          “It’s an acronym.”

          “For?”

          I smile. “My secret.”

          He nods accepting the response. He moves to the chair by his bed and pulls on a white v-neck t- shirt. My hormones shout for him to leave it off. I look down shaking my head. What kind of thoughts are those? I really was a whore. Yes I really was.

          “No singing. No magic. I assume you were here to entertain me as if you were a call girl?” He asks.

          He sits, no slouches in the chair. I sit down on the bed. He was very angry the first time I told him they ordered me to make him happy. I would need a different approach.

          “The first night I was here. We played rock, paper, scissors.” I answer.

          By the look on his face he is searching his mind. He wants to remember but he doesn’t. I see the frustration in pressing his lips together.

          “I don’t remember.” He said sadly.

          I nod. “It’s ok.” I say reassuring. I touch his hand with my fingers.

          “But it’s not.” He snarls.

          He’s upset. I hate it. He doesn’t deserve it. All so he can do their dirty work. It’s not fair to him. I get down on my knees in front of him but not in a sexual way. I don’t want him to get up from the chair. I need him to stay where he is and stay calm.

          “Sadie Anne Monroe.” I blurt.

          “Excuse me?” He asks

          “My name, it’s so country. I hate it.”

          He laughs, a genuine laugh, and stops. I want him to laugh and be free, to enjoy my company. He doesn’t know how. He’s only programmed to hate. To follow orders and have no attachments. How can I do what they’re asking me when all they’ve ever done is given him the opposite?

          “You know your name.” He says sadly.

          Part of me is surprised he even recognizes he should have a name.   

          He sighs. “And they hurt you because of me.” His hand moves. It strokes his forehead in an obvious state of distress. He is paying attention to everything that happens.

          “It’s not your fault.” I insist. It was mine all I needed to do was keep him calm and I was failing. My forehead fell to his knee and rested there. My own mind was in so much despair I wasn’t sure how to pull him from it.

          He moves sitting up. His hand touches my hair and grazes my cheek. I close my eyes and feel how unbelievably gentle he is.

          “I like you better this way.” He says.

          I smile. A small victory that he would soon forget. He knew it and was constantly reminded of it. I pull his hand back to my face and rub my cheek against his palm. I want him to touch me. I want to feel him.

          “You’re so warm.” I say

          “You’re cold?” He asks

          I nod. He motions for me to get up and pulls the blanket from the bed. I sit on the bed and he sits next to me. We are touching. I lied my skin is on fire.

          “Do they just want you to sleep with me?” He asks.   

          I shake my head gently. “I think they forget Once upon a time men were raised to be gentlemen.” I answer. The look on his face was unforgettable. He seemed shocked and frightened at my words.

          “I’m no gentleman Sam.” He says.

          “I know what you are trained to do. I know what is asked of you.” I say

          “And still you’re here?” He asks in a childlike way. A killer used and abused but was still as innocent as the day they wiped his memory the first time.

          “Third day in a row.” I answer

          It was as if he didn’t know how to really smile. There was nothing that had made him smile in so long. I wondered if he’d forgotten how. I moved as close to him as I could without sitting in his lap. I leaned into him wrapping my arms around him and resting my head on his chest. He smelled of dirt, sweat, and a slight hint of soap. Everything a hard working killing machine should smell like. I feel him press his mouth to my hair. Not exactly a kiss but a nuzzle. I smile.

          “I want to kiss you.” He says.

          I lean back surprised. My right hand lay on his chest and my left on the small of his back. I move closer to his lips.

          “They’re watching.” He whispers “Always.” His brow furrows and he shakes he head. “I can’t do it. Not here. Not like this.”

          I nod slowly. “A peck? They’ll report back the good news.”

          “I don’t know if I can stop there.” He says.

          The heart beating steady in my chest nearly burst.

___________________________________________________________________

 

          We spoke of things happening in the world today. He expressed how fascinated he was by cars manufactured these days. Life had changed so much for him. His memories were short and confusing. He remembered few faces but they didn’t match up to a memory behind it.

          We stayed close the rest of the night but didn’t do more than hold one another’s hand. Neither of us wanted to let go. I knew what would happen once I did. I was telling him what my last years of school were like when his head fell forward from sleepiness. My short lived laugh was interrupted by guards entering the room. The noise from the doors opening made his head snap back to attention.

          “I’m sorry.” He said to me.

          “Why?” I asked desperate watching him stand when they entered. He willfully stood with his hands out in front of him.

          “What’s going on?” I ask again

          He looks at me sadly. I realize what’s happening.

          “No you can’t take him!” I shout. I jump from the bed and leap towards him only to be stopped by a taser and blackness filled my head.

          Upon waking I find myself in bed in my room. Naked. Of course how else would I be found? I shudder thinking of how they could’ve touched me while I was out. Remembering what happened before I blacked out, I jump from the bed. I threw on the first clothes I find and run from the room. I go to the observation room and he’s not there. The next place was where they wipe his memory. Running as fast as my feet can take me I find a guard by the door. He sizes me up knowing who I am. He was surely thinking I was insane.

          “Where’s the soldier?” I hate addressing him that way. He deserves a name.

          “Not here.” He replies.

          “He’s gone? On a mission?” I ask

          “Not here.” He says again.

          “A lot of damn good you are.” I mutter

          He raises his hand and moves his fingers in a mock gun shape and fires.

          “I’m sorry Mr. Pierce she asked too many questions.” He said.

          My mouth dropped open.

          “Watch yourself.” He says angrily.

          I fold my arms over my chest and stomp away with my chin in the air. I had been defeated but I didn’t want him to think I actually felt that way. With my stomach growling I made my way to the cafeteria. I ordered eggs and grabbed a muffin, then sat with a glass of orange juice. As soon as I try to take a bite my stomach twists. It’s in knots and not just from hunger. I felt like I let the soldier down. He was taken away and memory wiped clean once again. Tears spilled over my cheeks. This wasn’t easy. It would’ve been easier to sleep with him but I was becoming attached. He was too gentle for this life. He wasn’t made to do the things he was doing. Though he was skilled, it didn’t mean he should be the one doing it.

          Not wanting anyone to find me in distress I pushed as many bites of food in my mouth that I could without throwing it all up and went back to my room.

          The hot bath was soothing to my skin. I wasn’t exactly sure how long I had been out in the first place and my muscles were tired. As the water cooled I stood and turned the shower on. I allowed myself to cry and let the tears run down with the water. This was so much harder than I expected, but would be worth it in the end?  

          _Living with competing women wasn’t what I wanted to be doing but I had no skills and nowhere near enough money to go to college. My 19 year old sister needed me to make money. She needed a mother where we had none. Of course we had one but nothing you could even call a mother. She was the one who birthed us. By the time I was my sister’s age I had been molested by more men than I received hugs from. They came and went faster than we could move to another place because the bills hadn’t been paid. I had nearly gotten used to it. At least the one man who stuck around the longest only hit us. My sister was smart and I vowed to do everything I could to protect her. She wouldn’t be what I had become._

_I sent her as much money as I could though I wasn’t a part of the brothel for long. I honestly hadn’t slept with that many men. I did my best to get them drunk before any nasty things took place. A few sleeping pills might have been put in their drink mix as well._

_A month into the life at the brothel Mr. Pierce appeared. He wanted to see all of us. We stood in the large living room for a long time. He whispered to associates and whispered to our employer. Five girls left the room and three were left standing. I did my best to keep a warm smile on my face. He pulled me aside._

_“Blonde hair, perfect breasts, nice hips and my god look at your lips. Every man’s dream is to have a pair of those wrapped around his…”_

_“She’s the one.” My employer says. “All of our clients are very pleased with Ms. Monroe.”_

_“Do you have any attachments? I’d like to keep you for a while.” He said_

_“I only need communication with my sister.” I kept calm though I was shocked. I was worried for myself. What was he expecting of me? To be kept “for a while” could mean dangerous games and no protection._

_He nodded and the deal was done. I was assured no real harm would come to me though as I signed a contract that bound me from speaking of anything that happened while with him my heart was filled with dread._

          And just like that here I was. With a final rinse of soap from my skin I step out of the shower. I wrapped the towel around my hair and catch something in my peripheral vision. A mass of black in the gray concrete room. A shriek escaped my lips. Pulling the towel from the rack I held it in front of my body.  The soldier was in my room. He had seen me naked.

          “Hi.” I said.

          He was quiet. I knew he had been brainwashed again. He turned his eyes as I wrap the towel around my body. Damn them not letting me have a door to the bathroom. I took a deep breath and step out into my room.

          “What’s going on?” I asked looking around for some hint to the change.

          A small speck of red was on the floor. As I watched another appeared.

          “You’re hurt.” I said.

          I stepped toward him and he backed away. He was again in all his combat clothes. He looked tough and menacing. Today he had black smudged around his eyes that added more sex appeal than I wanted to admit. The blue of his eyes hit me in the gut.

          “Please sit down.” I say directing him to the bed. My fingers twitched with the want to touch him but I kept them to myself. He sized me up and then sat down.

          His eyes made me remember that he was from a different time and wearing a towel was next to nothing.

          “I’m going to change.” I say and grabbed some clothes from the dresser. He turns his head as I enter the bathroom. I throw on a t-shirt and jean shorts. I run the towel through my hair and give a good run through with my fingers so it won’t be sticking off in every direction. His eyes follow me as I come back in the room.

          “Where are you hurt?” I ask

          I see the scab of blood on the side of his face. It’s mixed in with the black smudged makeup so it’s hard to see without paying attention. But that couldn’t be the only injury. Not the way he was bleeding. He takes his gloves off watching me carefully the entire time. He laid them on the bed and I see blood smear across the white sheet. I hold back any cause for alarm. I didn’t want to upset him. He unzips his jacket and damn I wanted him to be taking it off for other reasons besides attending to his injuries. He winces as he pulls the jacket off his own human arm and I see the wound under the layer of protection. I put my hand over my mouth. It’s a nasty gash.

          “You’re not a nurse?” He see’s my reaction and assesses that I am indeed not a nurse. He was smart, but the brainwashing took so much of it away from him.

          “No I’m a friend.” I answer

          He is trying to remember. I take the jacket from him and move it to the end of the bed. He stares blankly ahead.

          “Why do they do this to you?” I ask out loud but not looking for an answer. He looks at me.

          “I am a weapon. I have missions.” He says

          “You’re a human.” I say

          I try to open the door to my room but it’s locked. I didn’t even know they could lock it from the outside. I curse and look back to him. He is slowly looking around the room seemingly processing what he sees.

          In the bathroom I find a washcloth and wet it down with soap and water. I come back to him and move towards his face. He flinches back and I see him frown.

          “I’m just going to clean you up.” I say. He frowns and turns his head to give me a better angle. I touch him lightly with the cloth and wipe slowly. The wound is getting clean but I see a spot of black that is stubborn. I move the rag and touch him at the wound. I realize that its asphalt scraped into him.

          “What the hell did you do today?” I mutter.

          “Completed my mission.” He answers

          He is a robot today. More programmed that usual. Tears sting my eyes. I am so close to his face his breath tickles my cheek. I see his eyes meet mine. The man who wouldn’t kiss me because people were watching.  No one was watching us here but he didn’t know me. I knew him. He is assessing me. As an enemy? More than likely. 

          “Why were you crying?” He asks

          An ache passes through my chest as well as embarrassment. That was my time to myself to cry and he had witnessed the intimate moment. His lips are closer to mine waiting for my answer.

          “I’m sad.” It was the only thing I can think to say that makes sense.

          “Why?” He frowns for me thinking of my sadness.

          I push his hair behind his ear and swallow.

          “I’m scared of what will happen in here. To me….and to you.” I answer.

          I lock my eyes with his and easily I get lost. I drop the rag from distraction. Neither of us reaches for it. Slowly I reach to his shoulder where the metal arm is. My hand touches both the cold metal of his arm and his hot skin. His eyes are filled with questions. And I kiss him.  He doesn’t do anything with the first quick press of my lips but I kiss him again. He responds by returning the kiss. I move my other arm behind his neck and kiss him deeper. His hand reaches my back and pulls me closer. I straddle him on the bed. I find his hair and tangle my fingers through it. He pulls away and looks at me I feel as if I’m done something wrong. Our breathing heavy he stares. He closes his eyes and opens them again. He looks away. My breath catches. He is searching through his brain through a small list of memories that are stored away inside.            

          And he says it.

          “Sam?” He asks.

          I throw my arms around him.

          “Yes. That’s me!” I exclaim burying my face in his hair and neck. He “holds me but he is unsure. I’m positive he doesn’t know why he remembers me.

          “Are you my girl?” He asks softly

          I want to tell him yes. I lean back and look into his eyes.

          “No but I should be.” I say and laugh. He doesn’t know how often we have seen one another. Pausing before I continue not knowing what to say to him. I kiss his stubbled cheek and then kiss his chin.

          “I am here to be your companion.” I say. “But you don’t remember do you?”          

          He shakes his head slowly. “I’m sorry.” He says

          I take the chance to kiss him again this time pressing my body into his. He lets me and I feel his breath rapidly increase. His hand roams beneath my shirt but only beneath the hem. I am desperate to feel him, to feel his skin against mine but as I push away to lean back I touch his wound and he gasps.

          “Shit. I’m sorry.” I exclaim.

          “I need a doctor.” He says. Blood ran from the gash again. Touching it had reopened it. Standing I picked the rag up and took it to the bathroom where I rinsed it and brought it back to him. I placed it over the gash and watched as it quickly filled with blood. My shoulders dropped. I grab my cell phone and call Mr. Pierce. It rings a few times and he answers.

          “Well give me a good report.” He says

          “He’s in my room bleeding to death.” I answer

          The line went dead. Not thirty seconds pass when a guard enters the room. I frown when I see him but know he’s here to help.

          “The doctor is waiting for you.” The guard says.

          He stands and looks in to my eyes. “Thank you.” He says.

          I give him the warmest smile I could muster. They step out and I hand the soldiers jacket and gloves to the guard. He takes them glaring at me.

          They leave and my heart is heavy. In the bathroom I find that I am looking like a victim myself. His blood is all over me, but it’s his. It doesn’t matter.

___________________________________________________________________

          For two days I didn’t see the soldier. They were the longest days of my life stuck in a hole in the ground. No TV, no internet, not even a book. No sign of Pierce either. Not that I minded. I’m lying in bed when the phone rings. I jump to grab it. It’s my sister. I fumble opening it I’m so excited.

          “Ally!” I cry.

          “Hey sis.” She responds.

          Her voice sounds amazing and reassuring.

          “How’s school? Did you get the money I sent you?” I ask

          “Yes the new books are awesome.” She answers with dripping sarcasm. “I saw a purse I wanted so bad but you would’ve killed me if I bought it.”

          “Damn right! I would’ve.” I say laughing. Her answering angelic laugh is like music to my ears.

          “Are you going to be able to visit for spring break?” She asks

          “When is it?” I respond

          “In a week.”

          My shoulders drop. “No Ally I can’t” I answer sadly.

          “That’s okay. I got this job offer but I wasn’t going to take it if you could visit but now I can and earn some extra money for that purse.”

          I can tell she is smiling through the phone. My baby sister all grown up.

          “That’s cool but don’t forget GO TO SCHOOL!” I scold

          “Yeah yeah. When are you going?” She asks for the hundredth time.

          “Maybe someday.” I answer. I sit on the bed.

          “Hey, Sam, I gotta go. I’m between classes. I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you.” She says

          “Oh. Darn it okay. It’s great to hear your voice as usual. I love you.” I say

          “I love you too Sis. Bye”

          And the phone line was dead. I pout staring at the phone. My heart was heavy with hearing her voice. She seemed happy and to be doing well. Sighing I stood from the bed and shoved the phone in my pocket. I make my way to through the halls trying to find something to do. I need to get my mind off my sister and the soldier.

          After venturing for a while I oddly find a door open. Doors were never left open. They were shut and locked. I peak inside and there are computers and file cabinets. I check to make sure no one sees me enter. Overcome with curiosity I step inside. I look around and see a few folders open on a desk. I shouldn’t be in here I tell myself. I move to a desk where I see a folder with a picture handsome man who looks to be in his late twenties. He is in an army uniform. I see his name underneath the picture. Steve Rogers. I slide the folder aside and see another folder with a picture of another handsome man looking around the same age. My heart skips a beat when I look closer. It’s the soldier! Clean shaven and short hair. He was just as handsome, less menacing, but handsome. Under the picture is his name.

James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes

Winter Soldier

 

          The footsteps I hear set me in a panic. I slide the folder back covering it up. I bolt for the door and stop. There’s Mr. Pierce.

          “I was just about to ask why this door was open.” He says with a smirk. I can tell he sees that I’m nervous.

          “The door was open.” I said. My hands began to shake I shoved them in the pocket of my khaki shorts.

          “So you just go in and out as you please?” He asks

          I pause I had to use the words just right. “Actually I heard you were in the building so I was looking for you.”

          “Why’s that?”

          “I was just…I was wondering if I could go out again. It’s hell being cooped up in here. But whatever you think is best.” I say.

          “Sure do it tonight. I’ll have some guards get you from your room when they are ready.” He answers

          I almost feel it’s too quick of an answer but I don’t question it.

          “Thanks. I really appreciate it.”

          He responds with a wave of his hand dismissing me. I walk quickly and try not to look behind me. I headed to my room and found the hoodie where I place it on and wait. The soldier had a name. While sitting on the bed both my legs bounce up and down with nervous excitement. I want to tell him. Should I tell him? There’s no way they want him to know or they would tell him. I stand up pacing through the small room. He deserves to know. They’d kill me. Frustrated I stepped out of the room. There is a guard and a man in plain clothes. My escort for the evening.

          “Let’s go sweetheart.” He says.

          I glare but follow them to the elevator. I felt like a teenager needing a chaperone. I feel the escort looking at me. I catch his gaze. It’s ominous and I worry about his intentions.

          At the mall there are many people. It’s prime time for teenagers being dropped off by their parents and left to be obnoxious. Doing my best to weave through the crowd I wander a little more than usual. I notice my keeper is impatient. He scowls and his foot tapping is annoying. We walk to a kiosk in the center of the mall where there are lotions that smell amazing. There’s a deal if you purchase three so I do just that. Maybe the soldier would appreciate one of them. As I’m standing in line the keeper whispers in my ear.

          “How much do you charge?” He asks

          “Charge for what?” I respond

          He winks. I nearly drop the bottles I’m holding. His audacity makes my stomach wrench. I am embarrassed as well. I glare at him but give him no answer. Turning away I shake my head to clear it from the anger I’m feeling but it doesn’t go away. It’s my turn and we process the sale quickly. I storm away from him as fast as I can.

          “You can’t run from me. Pierce won’t like it!” He says. He’s right behind me.

          I stop and spin around. He nearly knocks me over.

          “I’m going to the ladies room!” I snap

          “You have to wait for clearance.”

          “Fuck clearance!”  I say and storm away. The ladies room is just around the corner. I duck inside and breathe in deeply. Checking the stalls I’m the only one occupying the room. I look in the mirror at what I was becoming. Someone that looked like me but wasn’t exactly the person I wanted to be. This wasn’t what I wanted for myself. The bathroom door opens and I step into a stall. I take longer than I needed as I was enjoying the sense of being alone. As I exit I grab my bag and step out. A woman is there. She has long red hair, full lips, and large blue eyes. Easily one of the most beautiful women I have seen. I flash her a polite smile. She returns the smile. At the sink I wash my hands and dry them. As I’m turning around to exit the woman is there and she shoves me against the wall.

          “What do you know about the Winter Soldier?” She asks. Before even realizing she moved there is a gun pressed to my chin.

          She wants to know about my soldier….the soldier. I shake my head. She shoves the gun harder. The tip seems to press in my jawbone rearranging it.

          “I don’t know much.” I say

          “But you know something.” She says with force.

          “Can you just ease up a little?” I ask

          She does ever so slightly.

          “If I tell you, I’m dead, if I don’t, I’m dead.” I say.

          She rolls her eyes.

          “I don’t know anything I was hired to be a companion.” I say

          She looks at me with disgust. “Please tell me you’re going on missions with him.”

          “I’m putting my sister through college with him.” I snap back

          “If you help us we won’t kill you”

          “Us?”

          “Will you help?” She says with force

          I nod “Yes. YES!” I don’t want to die.

          “Give me your phone!” She insists. I pull it from my pocket. Still holding the gun to my chin she opens the phone placing something inside and hands it back to me. She reaches inside her shirt and pulls out a tube. She bites off the top and I watch in horror as she stabs me in the arm with a needle.

          “Ow! What the hell was that?” I ask angrily

          “Rabies shot.” She answers with a cool smile.

          “Bitch.” I say.

          “Is that the worst thing you can call me?”

          “I doubt it.”

          She removes the gun and tucks it behind her. “Don’t drink too much caffeine and don’t use an inhaler. And whatever you do stay away from energy drinks. You’ll feel like shit if you do.”

          “What have you done?” I ask

          “You needed a little boost. Now you can fight off the Winter Soldier.”

          “But it’s not him that I worry about.”

          Her eyes widen slightly. “We’ll be in touch. Try to stay alive.” She says and slips out of the bathroom.

          I was struck with surprise. What had just happened? What did I agree to? I run to the sink and check my arm to make sure it’s not bleeding. I breathe in deeply a few times. I will need to be calm when I join the guard waiting outside. I remind myself to stay calm and leave the rest room. He is there just outside the door.         He looks at me strangely and I do my best to hide everything I have just experienced.

          “You look a little pale.” My keeper says.

          I am not that bad of an actress I can do this. “I just started my period.” I answer wanting to give him a reason to leave me alone. He makes a disgusted face and walks with me. I tell myself not to walk to fast or too slow. Don’t fidget and move naturally. It’s harder to do when you’re thinking about it.

          My chaperones phone rings and we halt in place. He answers with two quick “Yes sirs” and hangs up.

          “We’ve got to go.” He says grabbing my arm

          “What’s going on?” I ask. Did they find out that quick?

          “The soldier is out of it. Pierce wants you to snap him back into it.”

          Me? What was I going to do?

___________________________________________________________________

 We leave swiftly and climb in the black SUV. The ride home was much quicker driving 90 mph. I clung to my seatbelt like it would keep the vehicle from crashing. We enter and find the soldier in his cryo chamber room. I am so shocked by all the wires running through the room I forget he is there for a moment. He is completely blank, staring at nothing. My shoulders fall. I set my bag down next to the door and watch as everyone leaves including a man dragging another man out. Did the soldier do that?

          “Do something with him will you.” Mr. Pierce orders.

          I had no clue what _I_ was going to do. There was a stool at a computer across the room. I grab it and sit far away from him. I study him for a moment. He doesn’t move. He stares straight ahead. His blue eyes piercing with non movement. I scoot closer.

          “Soooo what’s going on in that head of yours?’ I ask softly

          He doesn’t flinch or blink. Had he even blinked? I rub my face in my eyes. They are shaking. I wring them in front of me and slide closer. I am nearly 5 feet away. I move in front of him. He was staring through me. I sigh.

          “Oh Soldier I can’t watch you this way.” Tears fill my eyes.

          His shirt was off. He wore black slacks only. There was a heart monitor attached to his chest which beeped steady and slow. How close could I get before he killed me?

          “I wish I had given you a name.” I say. I didn’t dare mention I had some inclination as to what it was.

          “Please wake up and be my soldier.” I say. My voice is still soft attempting not to alarm him. I shake my head and move even closer. Three feet away. I want to reach out and touch him. He was so unpredictable, he could kill me swiftly.

          As I move closer a little flicker is his eye makes me stop. My knee is only inches from his.

          “What can I help you with?” I ask

          I don’t know what to say to him to keep him with me. To keep him from killing or hurting me. Was this some sort of PTSD? Tears fall over my cheeks. It hurts too badly seeing him like this. Seeing what they have done do him.

          “Do you know where you are?” I ask between tears. I put my head in my hands. I hate this. I hate him like this. What are they doing to the both of us and what is that girl going to do to me? This was someone else’s life. I wish I had refused and then I see him again. Though his eyes are blank I know this is why I am here. I wipe at my eyes that are surely smudged with eyeliner. The anger hits me like a truck. I stand grabbing the stool I’m sitting on and throw it at the metal doors Pierce is watching me through.

          “You’re an asshole for doing this to him!” I yell

          My chest is heaving and I’m full on crying.

          “You fucking cunt do you have any idea who you’re talking to. I can wipe you out just as easily as I wipe out him.” He says spitting the words out.

          I sink to my knees and cry. I hear a noise and the soldier is moving towards the barred door. He reaches through at Pierce. He wants to hurt him. I see him pulling at the creaking door.

          “No!” I shout. They would hurt him. Quickly I get up and run to the soldier’s side. I push his chest and he looks at me angrily.

          “Don’t. They’ll hurt you and me both.” I say through tears.

          He lunges again and I push him with all I have in me and he moves. Holy shit he moved. _I_ moved him. He stands back ready to fight. I don’t want to fight him. I look at my hands in disbelief and realize we have an audience. I hold my hands up and sink to the floor. I was done. If he was going to kill me so be it. He stands angry in front of me. His chest rises and falls.

          The door open and guards enter with tasers. They are so scared of him it almost makes me laugh. The soldier moves close to me and they threaten him with their weapons.

          “Stop!” I shout. “He hasn’t done anything.” I stand between the guards and him. He pushes the taser towards me and I grab his arm and the guard shrieks. Did I squeeze him that hard? I let go of his arm and he lunges again with the taser. He hits me with it but I don’t immediately black out this time, but pain passes through my body like I’ve never felt before. In a swift movement I barely see the soldier kicks him in the chest sending him flying across the room. He stands ready for another attack. They don’t move. They are scared.

          “Put him down.” Pierce screams.

          “Take us to my room! Leave us alone!” I yell at him.

          He face changes from rage to a nasty smirk. He chuckles.

          “Do it.” He finally says.

          I reach for the soldier he backs away. I slow my hands down and try again. He responds by taking my hand. A victory. The doors open and they let me lead the way pulling the soldier behind me. I’m angry but I walk as slow as I can. I look back and check on him. He is silent and looking around. At least he is moving. The guards are behind us but further than they’ve been before. I glare at them as I enter my room. I pull the soldier in behind me and shut the door. I hear the sounds of the door being locked. I sit on my bed and look at the eyes of the soldier. He is sad. He is lost.

          “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do.” I say

          He seems to hear what I say but I am unsure.

          I stand and touch his chest. I do my best to not scare him or not make him think I am going to attack. I lean in to him hoping to find some sort of support from him. I didn’t care if I was a stranger to him. I needed him. I needed his strong arms of support and the warmth of his skin. I wrap my arms around him and lay my head on his chest. He doesn’t move. Tears fall from my eyes and I realize they are falling to his chest. I lean back to wipe them off of him. When I do he stops me from moving. He puts his arms around me and holds me tight. I cry harder but he doesn’t let me go.

          I cry for at least five minutes. Neither of us moves. He stood completely still. I back away from him slowly with my left arm still holding on to him I wipe the tears from his chest with my sleeve. He looks down and watches me.

          “I hate that they hurt you.” I say

          He stares at me. He is quiet. What have they done to him?

          I step away and pull my phone out of my pocket.

          “Music.” I say

          I had no idea what to do or what to say to him. He looked here and so far away and it makes me so mad if I dwell I will cry. I find a few slow songs. He’s been away for 70 years. What kind of music would he like? The music begins and I set my phone down on the dresser in the room. I pull together a smile and step towards him again. Surprisingly he takes my hand and begins to slow dance with me. My heart was beating to a fast drum. I wanted to laugh and shout with joy but I hold it together as to not alarm him. With each step I can’t believe he is actually leading me in a dance. Tears fall again. I tell myself not to be stupid but I couldn’t stop myself. I stand on my tip toes and whisper in his ear.

          “James Buchanan Barnes.” I say

          He stops dancing. His mind is racing. I see the distress on his face.

          “Let’s sit.” I suggest.

          He does. I join him.

          “That’s your name.” I say. “Bucky, perhaps is your nick name.”

          The shock written across his face is unimaginable. He can’t remember. He is trying.

          “I’m sorry.” I say. “If you don’t remember…”I sigh “Of course you don’t remember, I’m Sam.”

          He looks to me and to the floor. He opens his mouth and shuts it again. He seems to have plenty to say but nothing comes out.

          I notice his arm then. His arm that had a huge gash a couple of days prior now only has a pink scar.

          “Wow.” I say. “You heal fast!”

          “Cryo.” He responds

          I laugh. He hasn’t said a word and he answers “Cryo” as simple as that. He looks at me as if I have two heads.

          “Cryo makes you heal faster?” I ask

          He nods. I scream in my head “Speak to me again.”

          “I know you.” He says.

          “Really?”

          “You have been kind to me.”

          “I’ve tried.” I say plainly. I run my fingers through my hair and sigh.

          “We’ve kissed.” He says.

          I meet his eyes. He was digging at his memories. I nod.

          “I want to kiss you again.” He says

          That was an easy request. I pull off my sweatshirt. It was warm enough in my room much less the heat that will come from his body. I am wearing a cami underneath. The more skin I have to touch him with the better. I run my fingers through my hair again straightening it out. I stand and slip out of my shoes. I move back to the bed. I touch his chin. His lips turn slightly upwards resembling a smile. I attack him with a kiss. Down on his back he goes.  He hands wrap around me. The coldness of his arm touches me and I shiver.

          “You alright?” He asks

          I nod and kiss him again. I have never wanted to fully absorb myself into someone else in my life. I pull at him not being able to get enough. I am desperate to feel all of him. His hands are beneath my shirt but not moving where I want them to be. I sit up and pull my cami off. Leaving him to gaze wide eyed at the blue lace bra I wear underneath. I kiss his chest, leaving a trail back to his lips. His skin to mine, it burns like fire. I rub my body against him. His short gasp lets me know I’ve done something very right. In a swift movement he gently flips me over on my back. We adjust our bodies so his hips are between my thighs. He kisses my chest and I shudder with delight. My back arches trying to press into him. His hand skims over my breast. He moves his hand to my bottom and pulls me up into him. I easily feel him through the khaki shorts I wear. My hands trail his chest and to his waist. A small groan escapes his lips as find the button to the pants he’s wearing. I fumble slightly as I find my hands are shaking. I am not sure if it’s  excitement or nerves. His hand clutches my face. He kisses me. He moves to my ear and gently kisses it as he whispers something. My heart is beating too loudly to hear what he says.

          I was concentrating on the zipper. “What?” I ask.

          “Stop.” He says and puts his hand on mine to stop me.

          Wait….”What?” I ask him again.

          “This isn’t right.” He says.

          I groan. “It feels right.” I whine

          He chuckles, actually chuckles, in my ear. I turn my head meeting his lips and kiss him softly. He strokes my hair and I see him smile. A real smile. It’s worth more than anything that just happened. Or didn’t.

___________________________________________________________________

          In morning I awake to our bodies tangled together. He is snoring softly beside me. It’s not an annoying sound. It’s one of the best sounds I’ve ever heard in my life. A gentleman in every way sleeps with his hair loosely lying over his cheek. Brushing the hair aside gently I lean and kiss his cheek. His snoring stops and he stirs. His eyes widen and he moves back quickly.

          “Sorry.” I say

          He rubs his face moving his hands over his head and lies back on the pillow.

          “I thought you were a dream.” He said

          I bite my lip reminding myself to be quiet. I like it when he talks.

          “But you’re here.” He says and reaches for my hand. Our fingers entwine and I nuzzle up to his chest.

          The door opened. FUCK!

          He is immediately in front of me, guarding them from seeing me in my underwear. I grab a pillow and hold it in front of my chest. He relaxes. Tears spring into my eyes. He was going to be taken from me again.

          “Let’s go Soldier.” The guard says.

          He turns to me miserable as I am. He pulls me to him and kisses my forehead.

          “Bye love.” He says

          “Bye.” My voice cracks and its barely audible.   

          He is gone again. I stand and fall to the floor. My chest heaves with a heavy ache. I cry. I was becoming fantastically good at it.

          After a long shower I eat breakfast alone and find nothing to do. Most of my day is spent in my room playing games on my phone. Sometime late in the day there is a knock on my door. I stand and open it. Pierce is there.

          “Come. I have something to show you.” He says.

          I grab my new favorite sweatshirt and pull it on as I follow him. We walk to the observation area. Only I am directed to the window. Not directed inside the room. There is a chair there and I find out, it is for me. I sit as instructed. Pierce paces around me.

          “Tie her in.” He says.

          “What…why?” I ask

          He smiles “You’ll see.”

          Guards are there fastening me to the chair with belt type fastener. Each wrist squeezed against the hard chair. It is uncomfortable but not horribly painful.         

“Now watch.” He says.

          I direct my gaze to the room as he indicates. The soldier is there. He is handsome as ever. I find my heart beat a little faster when I see him.        My eyes then see a girl stepping from the corner of the room. I am immediately concerned for her. Then jealousy takes over. She is naked, completely. Her body is outstanding. Young toned and curves exactly where they should be.

          “What are you doing?” I ask Pierce.

          He responds with a chuckle. “Watch.” He says again

          I see her walk towards him and in her movements I see familiarity. She lifts her toes just a little higher than most people do when they walk just as I do. Her hair is long, dirty blonde, but it’s a natural beautiful blonde, as close to mine as a sisters would be.

          “You’re a goddam animal.” I growl.

          He fully laughs. I yell. “Ally!”

          Hands cover my mouth and tape quickly replaces the hands. My sounds are muffled. There’s no way she could hear me. She was here, doing this. What had I done? Did he offer her money? My life? This was her job offer. I am screaming as loudly as I can. I try to free myself from my restraints but nothing is working.

          Ally is closer to the Soldier. He sits with his head hung low. He is naked too. She is so close to him now he could kill her easily. Or have his way with her. The all around horror of what I’m seeing sends me into a rage. I scream again and yank my hand hard enough to break it free. I swing the chair behind me in Pierce’s direction. He is too far away to do any damage. I hear a noise to my left. Spinning around I am met with the butt end of a gun. I am knocked backwards. Green and blue flashes of light fill my eyes. I stumble to the floor and another blow sends me into darkness.

          I wake finding myself in my room. My head is pounding. I sit up groaning. It feels so much worse than a hangover. I touch my aching head and feel a bump above my temple. In the bathroom I see there is a bit of dried blood that follows my hairline but nothing more than that. I frown and shower quickly where I gingerly wash the blood away. My thoughts are on my sister. I hope more than anything she is alright. Pierce had to be insane to play these kinds of games with people. He was sick and made me sick. I had to find my sister to see if she was ok.

I wandered the halls for a few hours hoping to hear or see anything or anyone that could tell me about my sister. I didn’t want to talk to any of the guards as they were just as mean as Pierce was. Finally giving up I head back towards the room. I pull out my phone and dial Pierce’s number. I didn’t want to talk to him I wanted to kill him.

          “Yes my pet.” He answers

          His voice is like nails on a chalkboard.

          After a brief pause getting my anger in check I speak. “Is my sister ok?”

          “Of course. Why wouldn’t she be? You think I’m a monster don’t you?” He asks.

          I swallow and think of my answer. “No. I know the soldier is a monster and I worry about her.” The words coming out of my mouth hurts as they are spoken.

          “They got along very well. Maybe better than the two of you.” He says.

          Bile is in my throat and my head pounds again. I lean against the nearest wall for support.

          “Thank you Mr. Pierce.” I manage to say. I know he can hear the hesitation and the insincere tone of my voice. I can’t pretend anymore.

          “Have a good day dear.” He says

          I hang up the phone. Did I really care that much about a soldier whose memory was wiped often? Who didn’t even fully remember me? He was supposed to be a monster and he wasn’t. It was Pierce. I told the red headed woman correctly. I needed protection but it wasn’t from the soldier. It was from Pierce.

          Some time in the afternoon I receive a text from Mr. Pierce telling me to be ready by 6 and to report to the hairdresser at 5. A flutter of excitement touches my heart. I was going to see the soldier again. Part of me worried that was over for me now that Ally was involved. I showered again and went to the hair stylist a little early. I smiled when I saw her. I couldn’t help the lightness that was in my head.

          “A smile.” She says happily

          I am embarrassed for not being able to contain myself.

          “Where are you and Mr. Pierce going?” She asks

          Going? Mr. Pierce and I?

          “We’re leaving?” I ask

          “You didn’t know?” She asks

          I shake my head sadly. Sorrow had taken over.

          “Don’t say anything.” She begs. “Maybe I wasn’t supposed to tell you.”

          “I won’t” I promise her.

          She presses her lips together. An act surely meant to remind herself not to talk too much. I catch her eyes in the mirror a few times and she seems sad for me. I have nothing but obscenities flowing through my mind. I am angry and getting more upset by the minute. I didn’t want to go with Pierce I didn’t sign up for going somewhere with him. I close my eyes as I remind myself ‘you signed up for anything you dumb bitch’. My next thoughts are on my sister. Would she get to spend time with the soldier while I was away with the old bastard? Did she like spending time with the soldier? Was he as nice to her as he was me? She finally finishes my hair. A long side fish tale braid. It was stunning and perfect. If only I could look this beautiful for the right man. She starts on my makeup and I’m sure I ruin it with the scowl plastered on my face, but when I look in the mirror she has transformed me once again. Truly a talented woman. My lips are matte red and my eyes are smoky with a slight hint of sparkle. She hid the small amount of freckles that lined my cheekbones with concealer but it made my skin look smooth and flawless. The longer I look in the mirror the angrier I become. I looked gorgeous and it would be wasted on the wrinkled shithead I had for an employer.

It took all I had in me not to smudge the makeup in every direction across my face.

          She finishes with a last bit of hairspray and I leave the room. I enter the dressing room where I find a tasteful but form fitting black dress. There is lingerie hanging next to the dress with clear instructions to wear it underneath the dress. With the clasp of the strapless shelf bra I curse. As a pull up the bikini low rise panties profanity spills from my lips and finally the clasp of the garter belt to my stocking makes me scream with fury. I step into the dress and look into the mirror. The dress seemed to be tailored to my body. It was strapless and simply short with only a slight flattering flare at the hips. I put the jewelry on and the heels and the look is complete. I sigh with discontent. The soldier deserved a girl that looked this good not Pierce. I leave the room and make my way to the exit where a guard waits for me. He takes me on the elevator to the surface where there is a limo waiting. The driver is my chaperone for my mall outings. His twisted smile on his face makes me shudder. The door to the limo opens and Mr. Pierce is inside.

          “Good evening Dear.” He says as I climb in.

          I don’t even try to smile.

          “Where are we going?” I ask

          “A charity dinner.” He answers        

          I snort. Really, he donates to charities?

          He speaks to me but I’m not really listening. I nod when I feel it’s appropriate. I am only listening for key words such as “Ally or Soldier” none of which is spoken. Purposefully I was sure. He does as he says and takes me to dinner.  It was delicious and I wondered why most of the money spent on dinner wasn’t donated to the cause, but who was I to ask? I only spoke if I was spoken to. I knew the drill. We had been instructed on how to act at such social engagements. We left dinner with his arm around me. He had drunk enough whiskey to make a small elephant pass out. At the valet the limo is pulling up. The driver gets out and opens the door for us.

          “My place.” Mr Pierce slurs and I’m completely disgusted.

          In the car he touches me more than I would like. Loathing only builds up in my chest. I slide as far over as I can get but he joins me.

          “You know what I pay you for right Ms. Monroe?” He asks

          I close my eyes rolling them. “No I’m not really sure.” I answer

          “I pay you for your services. You have yet to provide your services to the soldier.”

          “The soldier is a gentleman Mr. Pierce I have no control over that.”

          He laughs. “There’s no such thing as a gentleman.” He grabs the back of my neck pulling me close to him.

          “Tell me, why is it that your sister, a student, knows what her place is better than you, a simple whore?”

          I don’t answer he was trying to soil my thoughts. I ignore the pain shooting through my neck as I don’t want him to have the satisfaction. His hand runs up my inner thigh and I push it away.

          “Honey I don’t pay for you to push my hand away. I pay for you to touch me!” He says grabbing my hand and placing it on his crotch. I am literally disgusted.

          “Even a whore has the right to say no.” I say angrily and pulling my hand away.

          “I pay you not to.”

          “You pay me not to say no to the Soldier.”

          He laughs. “Stupid and beautiful just how I like them.” He touches a hair that had come loose from the braid. I snatch my head away.

          “You’ll see my dear.” He says

          He stays close but makes no further advancements on the way to his home. He pulls me from the car and drags me inside. The driver isn’t far behind. I am so confused. I want no parts of sleeping with Pierce but he is paying me for my services. I can’t do it. I am disgusted. 

          His home is filled with modern expensive decorations and appliances. I stand awkwardly as Pierce fills a glass. He moves to me and hands me the glass.

          “Drink, it will calm your nerves.” He says

          I take the drink and take a long gulp.

          “Stupid and beautiful.” I hear him mutter.         

          The scotch I just consumed sits warm in my belly but I was sure nothing would calm my nerves as he said it would. It was then I realize he’s not drinking from the bottle. I look from Pierce to the chauffer both are smiling.

          “What was in the drink?” I ask

          “Something to loosen you up.” Pierce says.

          I clear my throat. Fucking stupid. Anger builds quickly and I chunk the glass as hard as I can in Pierce’s direction. He barely dodges it before it shatters against the drywall of his living room. He raises his eyebrows.

          “Temper, Temper Ms. Monroe. The paint job is worth more than your life.” He says with the smirk that I hate.

          I feel the fuzziness already taking over. I blink slowly and he see’s it.

          “Take her upstairs.” He orders

          “It’s….” I shake my head “This is wrong.” I say

          My arms are grabbed from behind and I’m pushed forward. I stumble and nearly fall but somehow keep my balance. He grabs me again.

          “I can fucking do it. Just tell me where to go.” I say.

          He motions to the stairs nearby. The stairs seem to be moving in my vision. What had he given me that worked so quickly? I move to the stairs and trip on the first step. The chauffer laughs and grabs me again. He drags me up the stairs and to the first room on the left. The room is large and obviously a master suite. Its dark and he never turns the light on. He pushes me to the center of the room where he stands behind me and I feel him touch the zipper of my dress. I turn around swinging as hard as I can. I connect with his chin and pain shoots through my hand. I curse as I regain some composure. He is there charging towards me. He grabs my flailing arms and shoves them to my sides. I can’t fight him the drug is taking hold quickly. He touches me and pulls the dress down in front.

          “Pierce won’t like it.” I say

          “Pierce won’t care.” He responds

          “Pierce.” I yell but I don’t think it’s very loud. My vocal chords seem as relaxed as my muscles are becoming.

          “Shut up.” He says. He put a hand over my mouth and another between my legs. I bare my teeth and I bite. He screams and tries to pull his hand away. My teeth are still clamped on. With another pull he is able to yank his hand away but not before the taste of blood enters my mouth.

          “You bitch!” he screams.

          “What is going on?” I hear Pierce say from the doorway.

          I sink to my knees and laugh.

          “She bit me!” The chauffer exclaims.

          I laugh again and I swear I hear Pierce laugh with me.

          “Dumbass.” He mutters and walks to me. “Get up.” He says.

          I am on my hands and knees looking for the room to stop spinning.

          “I can’t.” I say

          He sighs with frustration and pulls me up. His hand is on my back and the dress falls to the ground.

          “Walk.” Pierce says. I do what I am told.

          I step out of the dress and the heels are left behind as well. We near the spinning bed and he lets go.

          “Get in. You’re just lucky I like to watch.” He says

          I find my way in the bed. Still very confused. I feel sick. I feel like crying. I touch my cheeks I am crying. I find a pillow and bury my face in it. I am only able to utilize basic movements. I turn from Pierce who is staring down at me.

          “Take your clothes off.” He says

          “I can’t.” I answer without trying. My hands feel limp at my sides and my eyes are closed.

          “Sir?” I hear a male voice say. The voice sounds familiar but in my altered state I am unsure.

          “Ahh yes. You understand what I’ve brought you here for?” Pierce asks.

          I open my eyes and try to see. Three of Mr. Pierce are blocking my view.

          “Yes sir.”

          That voice? My eyes are closed again. It feels as if it’s the only things keeping from expelling my dinner. I hear a noise nearby and feel the bed move.

          I sigh heavily and open my eyes. A clean shaven man with hair brushed back and styled is on the bed with me. And I see his eyes.

          “No.” I say “No no no!”

          I know I hear Pierce laugh. I try to sit up but it’s not easy.

          The soldier moves closer.

          “Pierce you’re sick.” I turn over my back facing the soldier. I groan. If I just had my body functions back. What was I thinking taking the drink?

          He is touching my back, unfastening the bra I was wearing. I turn over to face him. My arms cover my chest and even in this situation I think about what I must look like to the soldier. I wipe at my eyes to hopefully be rid of some of the running makeup.        

          “Please don’t.” I ask him. I can only keep my eyes open for a few seconds before the spinning makes me feel like vomiting. He hovers above me and I feel his breath on my face before he kisses me. I want to melt and swoon but it’s not him. It’s not my soldier. He’s following twisted orders from a sick man. I pull my face away from his. Something, I had to do something. His hands are on my panties pulling them down with the stockings. Tears are running but I don’t even have the strength to sob. I turn away from him on my belly. There’s nothing of use nearby I can use as a weapon. The room spins and the bed rocks. I feel him from behind. His heated skin is touching mine nearly top to bottom. I squirm to the edge of the bed. I’m going to be sick. I sit up on my elbows and the dinner expels over the side of the bed. I am coughing and gagging.

          “Jesus Christ!” I hear Pierce exclaim.        

          I am only allowed a few seconds before the soldier is pulling my back to him. He turns me over to face him.

          “Sit her up.” Pierce says

          The soldier pulls me up and keeps me from falling by holding me in his arms. The cold is on my back. I shiver and he rubs my arm with the other hand. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and look at him for as long as I can. His eyes on me show nothing but concern. I lean into him finding comfort in the man that I knew, not him.

          “Here.” Pierce says. I open my eyes and there is a glass in front of my face.

          “Water?” I ask hopeful

          “Yes, it’s water. Drink it.” He says forcefully.

          I take a few timid sips. I hadn’t realized how parched I was till the water touches my tongue. I feel fingers brush hair away from my face and I watch him.

          “Soldier.” I say. My shaking fingers touch his cheek which feels foreign without the usual stubble. He is touching me gently but I am unsure if it is from concern or from what he has been told to do.

          The spinning room forces me to close my eyes and I sink into him.

          “Take her home.” He orders the soldier.

          “Wait. I need to pee.” I say.

          I wanted to try to straighten my head before I was moved. Something is conversed between the soldier and Pierce. He helps me to the bathroom. I sit on the toilet and he steps out. I lean against the wall feeling the coldness of the stark white marble tile. I relieve myself and stumble to the sink. I wash my hands and lean on the sink heavily. In the mirror I see the beautiful makeup I had was now smeared and nearly resembled a clown. I wash my face quickly but dark makeup still stained underneath my eyes. I manage to find toothpaste and do a quick squeeze and rinse through freshening up the taste in my mouth. The soldier comes in as I’m spitting in the sink. I squint in the harsh light of the room. He is so handsome. A single hair is out of place. I want to touch him. To push the hair back into place for him but even standing there is wearing me down.

          He takes hold of my arm and I stumble back to the bedroom. Pierce throws a piece of black cloth in my direction. It’s the dress. I pick it up and move to the nearest wall for support. Through squinted eyes I push my legs in the dress. I pull it up and dance around trying to zip it. The cold of the soldiers arm stuns me and I stand still. He pulls the zipper up for me.

          “Thanks.” I mumble and the room spins again.

          I lean my forehead against the wall and groan. No nausea this time. I am feeling slightly better and wonder if I expelled some of the drug Pierce gave me.

          “Get her out of here!” Pierce orders.

          The soldier pulls me from the room. I can’t stop holding my head. He takes me to the end of the hall and steps into a room there. He shuts the door behind us. I allow myself to sink to the floor. He dresses and I watch. He pulls his briefs on and it’s frustrating not being able to enjoy the moment. A pair of cargo pants next. A under armor shirt, a long sleeve black t-shirt, some sort of vest, a belt, socks, shoes, gloves, and a jacket.

          “It’s not winter you know.” I say and close my eyes.

          I hear him shuffle and he pulls me up.

          “Take this” He says

          My eyes fly open. He speaks! He has taken off his jacket and is offering it to me. I quietly push my arms through the sleeves. It is big on my body but he is slender so it fits well enough to keep me warm. It smells like him. I hold the collar to my nose and breathe in the scent. I find a smile forming on my lips. The soldier, out of patience, picks me up in his arms and takes me downstairs.

          In the limo I wonder who is driving. I didn’t pay attention as the soldier helped me in the car. In the crook of the seat I sit with my head back. The rocking car didn’t help the dizziness but some relief seemed to come with every passing minute. As I glance at the soldier he is staring straight ahead. I’d love to stretch my body out and lay my head in his lap. Would he ever get to live a normal life or would he continue to be their weapon of choice?

          My thoughts are on Pierce and what happens in his twisted mind when I feel the limo pull over. A few sounds let me know the driver has gotten out. He opens the door to the limo and finds me. It is the man whose finger I nearly bit off. Which, I still find a bit humorous.

          “Get out.” He says to me

          I shake my head.

          “Fine!” He says more like a growl and he climbs partial way in the limo and grabbed my legs.

          “No. no.” I say I grab for whatever I can. I reach for the soldiers hand as I’m almost outside of the limo. He holds on for a second.

          “Pierce’s orders.” The driver says.

          The soldier let’s go.

          “NO!” I yell again

          He pulls me out of the car and locks the doors. Its dark we are off the main road. He takes me to the back of the car. Gravel hurts my feet as I walk across it.

          “Did you really think you were going to get away that easy?” The driver asks me with a snarl. He grabs my flailing hands. He pulls a simple zip tie out and ties them together. My strength was coming back but not in full just yet. I am full of words of protest and he tells me to shut up.

          “I won’t shut up.” I am defiant.

          His fist meets my lips. I am almost sure he knocks a few teeth loose. I cry out in pain and he hits me again.

          “Now shut up.” He growls

          He turns me around and kicks my legs open. He slams me face down on the cold of the car. Then I hear it and I know for sure what his plan is. His zipper. He yanks my dress up and I feel him touch me. Tears burn my eyes. I thought I had gotten away from this treatment

          “Stop.” I beg.

          “Ain’t that something, a whore that doesn’t want to get fucked?” He says and shoves his fingers inside. I cry out. It hurts. He doesn’t care to be gentle. I growl with frustration. I move, I wiggle, I don’t want him to touch me! I am sobbing. I don’t know what to do.

          “Help me Soldier. Please?” I scream

          He shoves himself inside of me. He is trying to hurt me. He has no intent on being gentle. I cry and all I know is that I am crying and he is hammering into me. Punishing me for embarrassing him in front of Pierce.

          Then I hear it. The sound of glass shattering. The soldier is there before the driver even has a chance to move. His metal hand wrapped around the driver’s throat holding him in the air. I want him to kill him. I pull my dress down and sink to the ground. The stones hurt but not as bad as my pride. Years of abuse comes flooding back and I am sobbing. My hands are still bound together. My wrists hurt. The plastic ties cutting in them.

          “Soldier please stop.” I was shocked by my own words

          He sets him down and punches him again and again. Then again for good measure. He throws him and I swear he lands ten feet away. He comes to me and wraps his arms around me. The sobs shake my body and I lean to him for support. I want to stop crying but I can’t. I need to stand but I can’t move. Part of me wants to push the soldier away from me but I cling to him. He moves and with my hands tied together I grab his shirt. He doesn’t move too far. He pulls a knife from a pocket and shows it to me. He is going to cut me free. He holds the knife up and I hear the loudest thud I have ever heard before. His eyes widen and he drops on his knees. He coughs and turns holding his side.

          “Move away from her. “ I hear a female voice shout.

          I turn and look around. The soldier is standing. His chest still heaving. He is hurt but I’m not sure how. He still stands in front of me, protecting me. I stand slowly doing my best to stop crying. I lean heavily on the car for support. Everything hurts now.

          “She said move away from her.” A male voice says and out of nowhere a round disc flies through the air at the soldier. He raises his arm and it bounces off with a loud clang. I can’t see anyone yet and neither can the soldier. He scans the darkness in front of us. I take a short step closer to the soldier and grip his vest. He is angry and ready to fight.

          I blink heavily from the remains of the drug in my system. When my eyes reopen there are two figures in front of us. I blink again. Did he give me a hallucinogen? But it’s the girl from the mall with another man.

          “Captain America?” I ask

          I shake my head. I thought he was just a tabloid figure.

          “Step away from the girl, she is coming with us.” The captain says

          The soldier pulls out a knife and throws it at the captain. The captain lunges for the soldier. I move out of the way watching them fight. I don’t know what to do. They both seem equally as strong. Punches are thrown the sounds of skin hitting skin and metal clanking is ringing through the night air.

          The redheaded girl is next to me.

          “Let’s go.” She orders

          I shake my head. She looks at me astonished. Slowly I climb on the back of the limo. I will my body to be strong enough for this. I wait just for the right moment. The captains back is turn to me and I lunge as hard as I can. I land just right. He falls away from the soldier and hits the ground with me on top. He moved so he wouldn’t fall on me.

          “Stop it.” I yell at him

          “Get off of me.” He says sternly

          “No! He wasn’t hurting me.” I say

          He laughs. “I won’t hit a woman.” The captain says.

          “But I will.” The redhead says and lunges for me.

          The soldier faster than I can see grabs me out of the way. He sets me on my feet next to him and stands in front of me again. All of us are in a stare down waiting for the other to make a move.

          “There’s no need for this.” I say

          They all look at me even the soldier.

          “What do you want?” I ask the captain and the redheaded woman.

          “You. We’re trying to protect you.” The girl said

          “I told you I don’t need protecting from him.” I say

          “You know them?” The soldier asks

          “No, sort of, it’s a long story.”

          “You know me.” The captain says to the soldier “Bucky we’ve been friends forever.” He says sadly

          He takes his mask off. I see his face. “You’re Steve…..” I have to think about it. “Rogers.” I absorb that he calls him Bucky. It seems so long ago since I let him know what his real name was.

          The soldier looks at me. I know that face. He is slowly searching through all those years of memories that he doesn’t know whether they are true or not. I grab his hand. There is so much pain written across his face it hurts my heart for him.

          “I told you, you needed me.” The red haired woman says.

          “I could’ve handled it Natasha.” He says annoyed

          Finally, a very fitting name for the beauty that stood in front of me. Her black body suit clung to all her curves and allowed for plenty of mobility. The Captains suit was nothing to be shy about either. The blue clung to him where muscles seemed to ache to escape. I try not to stare too long but I couldn’t help but admire his physique. The waist to shoulder ratio of a Dorito.

          “What do you say we get out of here? Go somewhere easier to talk?” Natasha asks

          The events came back to my brain. My eyes move to the chauffer who has yet to move from his resting place and I wonder if the soldier didn’t kill him. Tears burn my lids.

          “I don’t know where my sister is.” I say “She might be back at the bunker.”

          “Fine. Let’s go.” Natasha says “We’ll find your sister.” Her words are kind and seem out of character, but genuine all the same.

___________________________________________________________________

          In the car that awaited us I find that we are going to meet Tony Stark. Iron Man. The tabloids are true. There must be a bat baby somewhere.

          “How did you know where to find us?” I ask

          “I injected a tracking device in you when I gave you the rabies shot.” Natasha answers.

          “I don’t feel anything.” I say dumbfounded rubbing my arm.

          “You wouldn’t. Stark is amazing.” She says

          I am sitting close to the soldier in the back seat. He is eyeing everyone. His brow is stuck on furrowed. He is ready to kill at anytime.

          “I’m sure Bucky has a tracker in him as well. If it’s in his arm, Stark can get it out.” Steve says.

          I put my hand on his knee to somehow reassure him. He looks at me and his face lightly softens.

          We arrive in what seemed to be a garage and inside it was a dump. I was concerned about where we had been taken. We sit inside and wait. A loud engine roars outside and dies down. He bursts in like he owns the place. He surely did. He was a few years older than the group in the room but still just as attractive. Confidence oozed from every inch of him.

          “Darling you look like hell.” He says to me.

          “Thanks.” I mumble.

          “When we’re done here, come back to my place.” He says with a wink

          “Tony.” Natasha says with a scold in her voice.

          “What? Pepper will be glad to share some clothes with her.” He smiles and sends another wink my way.

          I’m having a hard time smiling. All I can think of is the men who made me look like hell. I was beautiful before the night began. I had a dull headache and everything was sore. From my face that had been punched to the soles of my feet that still felt like gravel was imbedded in them.

          Tony instructs the soldier to sit on a stool which he is wary of. I do my best to encourage him without making him feel like a toddler. As Tony works on him the distrust is all over his face. The soldier or Bucky is ready to strike at any second. I hold his hand in both of mine and feel him flinch when Tony figures out how to open an area on his arm. The fascination in written all over his face. The soldier looks at me for help. He is confused by what is going on. I am as well. I promise him everything is fine. Finally Tony let’s out a “Hah” and he removes a small round disc shape from the soldiers arm. The Soldier releases a breath he seems to have been holding.

          “That’s it?” Steve asks

          “Of course that’s it.” Tony says finishing his sentence in a mocking voice.

          I see Natasha roll her eyes obviously accustomed to this behavior.

          “Alright let’s go.” Steve says annoyed.

          “You’re taking the tracker?” Tony asks

          “Yeah we’ll find a good place for it.” Natasha answers and takes the disc from him.

          Half an hour later we’re are in an amazingly big beautiful ocean front home. Tony says it’s his vacation home and I can’t even imagine what his year round home looks like. I cling to the soldier as we enter. I don’t know what he is thinking or what he has been instructed to do in a situation like this. Pepper greats us in the foyer. She is tall slim, pretty, and looks much too smart to be with Tony. He seemed to be the type to be with dumb and beautiful girls. The type that takes a drink from a man without thinking about it.

          “Come with me.” She says. I reluctantly let go of the soldier and follow her.

          She takes me to a room where there are clothes laid out.

          “I wasn’t sure what size you were. Tony said we were close to the same size but you know men.” A slight roll of her eyes passes. She smiles like and angel and I am immediately comforted as if she is an older sister I need.

          “Take what you want. These are old.” She says

          Most of the clothes still have tags. I take a plain white t-shirt and black cotton work out pants. There’s a pair of jogging shorts and a tank top I decided to wear to bed. The soldier and I will be staying with Tony and Pepper for the night.

          “Thank you.” I say softly. I am beginning to feel overwhelmed with the events of the night. I am walking out of the room when I stop and it compels me to tell her.

          “I was raped tonight.” I blurt out.

          Her face is stricken with what I tell her.

          “Oh my God!” She says and grabs me holding me in an embrace tightly. She backs away and gives me a once over holding my hand.

          “Do you need a doctor? We can call someone?” She asks

 “I just…” I shake my head clearing the jumbled thoughts. “I needed to tell you.”

She smiles at me pitifully and hugs me again.

“There’s plenty of amazing relaxing soaps and shampoos in the bathroom.” She pulls away. “Feel free to use whatever you like.”

I nod. “I want to see the Soldier…er Bucky.” I say

She nods in response and takes me into the living room. The soldier is looking out the large windows that give a spectacular view of the beach. I touch his arm as I approach. He turns and releases a breath. I think he has been worried while waiting, but I’m not sure.

“Your boyfriend doesn’t talk much does he?” Tony asks

The soldier and I give him matching glares. He holds his hands up and smiles.

Pepper joins him on the couch his is sitting in. “Ignore him.” She says with a smile. “Help yourself to whatever you want. Food, wine. Bucky there are clothes for you in your room as well.”

“Thank you.” I say

I take the soldiers hand. “Come on.” I say encouraging.

          He walks with me to the bedroom.

          “I’m going to shower. Okay?” I ask

          He nods. I look at him sadly. I want him to talk to me. He finally does.

          “I don’t like it.” He says.         

          He moves to the door and locks it. My shoulders have sunk.

          “These are the good guys.” I say. “I can’t…I can’t face Pierce.” I say

          He nods. I gather my clothes and head to the bathroom. In the mirror I see my makeup is smeared. I do look awful. I strip and throw away the dress. In the shower I enjoy every minute. She was right the body wash made from jasmine, vanilla, and coconut oil smelled like heaven and left my skin feeling soft. It took a few tries of scrubbing before I felt like I was clean enough to get out. When I do I wrap the towel around my head and put on the tank and shorts. I exit the bathroom and the soldier is sitting on the bed. He grimaces when he stands and I see why. There’s a four inch round bruise on his left side.

          “That’s awful. What happened?” I ask

          “Your friends shot me.” He says angrily. “The vest protected me.”

          “I’m sorry.” I say “They were trying to protect me.”

          He frowns and his nostrils flare. I feel as though I can’t remove that angry look on his face and as though I have failed. He goes into the bathroom and I hear him start the shower. I pull the towel from my head and attempt to take most of the moisture from my hair.  I lay on the bed thinking of everything that happened in the day. I am overwhelmed with sleep and find myself falling quickly.

          There is a sound. I jump from sleep in my laying position and see the soldier exiting the bathroom. He is running a towel through his hair. He is also wearing cotton gray drawstring pants that are too snug and too low. I force myself to look away. My legs hang over the side of the bed. My eyes are drawn to my hands that are preoccupied with a hangnail. The soldier stands in front of me. He runs his fingers through his damp hair. My breath hitches and I try to keep myself from crying. I bite my lower lip out of habit then curse myself as it is sore from the chauffer’s punch. The soldier touches my chin and pulls my head up to look at him.

          “Do you know what Pierce wanted me to do to you tonight?” He asks

          I am stunned for a moment. Is he still programmed? Have I moved from one hell to another?

          My voice shakes. “I have an idea.” I respond. I pull my chin from his touch and look down. My breathing is heavy. I am trying to stay calm. I see him lean over and place a slender strong arm on each side of me.

          “That man.” He begins. I see him frown. “I know…I know what he was trying to do you.” He can’t even complete his sentence he is so full of fury. His face turns a shade of red I hadn’t seen before. I tell myself to keep it together to be strong.

          “Did he?” He finally asks.

I can’t look at him. I turn my head away and he follows my gaze. He touches my chin again and wills me to look at him. I am shattered on the inside. His blue eyes are filled with concern. His jaw is set tight with anger.

“I heard you scream and I couldn’t listen anymore, orders or not.” He says softly

I shake my head. I don’t want to talk about it with him. I am too embarrassed.

“Pierce told me it’s like a game to you.” He said

I am shocked. The horror of his words hit me. Pierce was an animal. I stare wide eyed at the soldier. I shake my head slowly. The soldier moves his arms and stands in front of me.

“You should have let me kill him.” He says

My mouth drops open from his words. He walks away from me grabbing his towel and going back in the bathroom. I climb under the covers. I just want to sleep and forget this nightmare ever happened. I lay on my side facing away from the bathroom. My eyes are open and I am aware of the noises around me. The soldier is back in the room. I hear him turn off the lamp and the room darkens. The covers move and I feel his weight on the bed. I put my hand over my mouth to keep from crying out. I can’t stop the tears that fall. My breathing is heavy but I keep as calm as I can. I don’t want him to know how bad that man hurt me.

“Sam?” He says

If I answer him I’ll burst. I love when he says my name.

“I’m sorry he hurt you.” He says.

His words of comfort fill me with pain. There is so much weight on my chest I feel heavy.

“Sam?” He says again. He touches my shoulder.

I turn over and face him. He is full of concern.

“You were going to rape me.” I say my voice filled with poison.

He flinches.

          “You didn’t do it so he did it for you.” I am angry but I’m not sure why I am directing it at him.

          He closes his eyes and shakes his head. “I wouldn’t.” He says

          “Who are you right now Bucky, James, or the soldier?” Why am I being mean to him? It’s not him I want to upset.

          “I don’t know who I am.” He says sadly.

          I feel bad for the words I have spoken. “James.” I say. He cuts his eyes at me. I take a deep shaking breath. “I want you to be James and I don’t want you to hurt me.”

          “I wouldn’t ever hurt you purposefully.” He says.

          I move to snuggling against his chest. His arms wrap around me protectively. I wipe the tears away. The heat from his body soothes my aching muscles. He rubs my back with both hands. The foreign metal and the warmth from his hands are an odd sensation but I am beginning to feel used to it. It is still his arm even though it is metal. He still has control over it and chooses to touch me gently. Soon I have passed out in his arms. Nightmares haunt me all night but each time I awaken to see his is there and he won’t be taken from me again. At least I hope that’s true. I hope with everything I have in me.

____________________________________________________________

          I wake in the morning and someone is touching me. My hip is bare and I feel a light trace of hands across it. My eyes fly open and I jump back.          “Sorry.” The soldier says

          I frown.

          “You’re hip bone has been teasing me for about an hour now.” He says with a grin. I melt when I see that smile. I want to be angry at him for touching me while I am sleeping but it doesn’t happen. I do move the tank top that has risen during the night to cover my exposed skin. Sadly two days ago I would have easily ripped it off for him to touch me everywhere.

          “Tell me…we are close…I know. What exactly is our relationship? There are bits and pieces in here.” He asks tapping his temple.

          “Uhhh…” I didn’t know where to begin to tell him. He would think terrible things of me if I told him the entire truth. I needed to ease into that story.

          “Pierce wanted me to keep you company. I think you had been acting out or something and he thought you needed a friend.” I answer

          “We’re more than friends.” He easily remembers.

          A smile forms on my lips. “Maybe a little.” I say with a quick embarrassed laugh. I cover my face with my hand. Moving my hand I see him move closer to me. His eyes are so full of life this morning it’s extremely distracting. Easily caught up in the gleam of blue I don’t see his hand move to my hip. He touches it again and I watch him. I swallow a small lump that formed quickly. His fingers trace the bone that is protruding. He is watching my reaction carefully.

          “You’re shirt is stubborn.” He says and pulls it back down covering the exposed skin.

          I clear my throat. “Thanks.” I say barely finding my voice.

          He moves closer and kisses my forehead.

          “Would you be more than friends with me?” He asks

          My lips part. I am shocked by his question. I search his eyes looking for the right answer. My heart pounds. Of course it’s what I want, but I don’t know him. I’ve only experience a few short bursts of his personality here and there.

          “I’d love to.” I say.

          He smiles and moves even closer. He wraps his arms around me and we lay together until my stomach rumbles with hunger.

          Tony and Pepper have left us for the day with a promise to return as quickly as they can. It is a day filled with the soldier and becoming accustomed to calling him James. He is easy with his smiles but sometimes I see darkness pass over his face and I’m not sure what he is thinking of. I don’t ask. There’s nothing depressing I want to know about. I have enough dark thoughts to be occupied with his at the current time. We explore the house but not too much as to be meddlesome. I love the comments he makes on the artwork. It’s wonderful hearing him speak so freely. I have to remind myself not to touch him but it’s all I want to do. I am drawn to him in every moment. We hold hands and I am amazed at the comfort I feel with him. The more I kiss him the more I want but darkness take over as my lips are swollen and bruised. Luckily no teeth were loosened with the force of impact from the chauffer’s punch.

          “Come back to me.” James says

          I look at his pleading eyes and smile.

          “There she is.” He says with a phenomenal smile.

          I laugh and we step out on the deck that leads to the beach. The air is cool but the breeze feels good and pure. I fold my arms in front of me and take a deep breath. James moves behind me and wraps his arms around me from behind. He leans his head down to my ear.

          “I like you more than I think I should.” He says softly.

          I turn to face him and smile.

          “Ditto.” I say. He kisses me softly knowing about the pain I am in. He pulls his lips away and I wrap my arms around his waist. He smells like the soldier but he is James now and I am ok with that. As long as he is away from Pierce and the torture they put him through.

          “I would love to try the…hot tub.” He says pausing to remember what it was called.

          I laugh. “That always leads to trouble.”

          “I think that’s what I’m looking for.” He says. He grins wickedly and bites his bottom lip. I feel as though my insides want to jump out of my body.

          “Well then.” I say and grab his hand pulling him behind me. I can’t get over the smile on his face. It almost hurts to look at it knowing how he was before. We giggle our way to the room that contains an “Endless pool” And the hot tub. This room is also connected to a small gym. I turn on the water and see him watching me as I sit on the side.

          “We don’t have suits.” I say

          That grin, that wicked grin he has plastered on his face.

          “Do we need them?” He asks

          I shake my head. He moves next to me and he moves my hair draped across my back over one shoulder. He rubs the other lightly with the tips of his fingers. I feel nervous and confused by the feeling. I don’t want to feel like this towards him.

          The tub is full and I turn it on. He laughs like a child seeing the water churn. The excitement in his eyes is mesmerizing. I stand and face him. I pull my shorts off and climb into the tub. I am eye level with him now. I kiss him and immediately have to stop. It hurts. A burning sensation hits the back of my eyes but I distract him by pulling off his borrowed T-shirt. His hair is ruffled from the disruption and it makes him more desirable. He puts his hand on the back of my neck and pulls me to him. He kisses my cheeks, my nose, my forehead. He touches the hem of my shirt and trails his fingers. He is hesitant watching me, gauging me. I force a smile encouraging him. He pulls it over my head gently. Next, is the pants he slept in. He pulls them down and steps out of them. I have seen him naked before but it wasn’t like this. My stomach jumps with excitement so much so I feel I have to touch it to calm it down. He smiles and puts his hand over mine. I step back taking hold of his hand and pull him in the tub with me. I grab his waist and pull him against me. He skins burns. It feels as good as a hot shower on a cold night. I nearly laugh at how comforted I am. I have never felt such a great feeling than to have my naked body pressed to his. I don’t want to ever move. He could hold me forever just as we were bodies pressed, arms around one another. He nuzzles the top of my head just as he had done on a previous occasion. I feel him begin to back away and I let him. He sits in the water and pulls me down with him. I straddled his hips and press into him again. He touches my neck and kisses my chin. My fingers touch his chest lightly. He kisses my neck and trails his fingers to my breasts. I watch as he touches me. It is strange seeing the foreign metal arm touch my body this way. It feels good because it is from him. A thought comes to my head. I run my fingers down his metal arm.

          “Is your arm waterproof?” I ask      

          He smiles “Yes.”

          “Good.” I nod and watch as he puts the arm in the water. My eyes widen as he grips my bottom and pulls me closer to him. I feel him then and it feels good but it sends a shock through my system. I freeze and he looks at me with concern. I scold myself.

          “Sam, are you okay?” He asks

          I put my best brave face on. It’s working on the inside. I concentrate on him. I want to touch him. I want him to feel good. I move my hands down his chest and find his manhood. Our eyes our locked. He gasps when I hold all of him in my hands but his face changes quickly.      

          “Sam?” He says.

          I close my eyes I can’t look into his anymore but I can still touch him. I can still make him happy.

          “Sam!” He says with more force. He grabs my hands and forces them off him.

          “Stop!” He says. He can see it. I can’t hide it from him. Tears fall.

          “Don’t cry.” He says softly. He pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms around me. It feels so much better like this. Like this is the way we are meant to be. I bury my face in the crook of his neck and wrap my arms around him.

          “I can’t have sex with you.” I say with more urgency than I wanted. “It hurts. I’m sorry.”

          His soothing movement stops.

          “The man hurt you?” He asks

          “Yes!” I cling to him. “He wanted to hurt me.”

          “Well I don’t want to.” He says. He gathers my face in his hands and forces me to look at him. “There’s nothing in me that wants to hurt you. You are the only one who has been kind to me in so long. So long.” He reiterates with force in his words. His face has changed to anger with his lips pressed in a tight line.       I kiss him. He rubs his cheek to mine.

          “You’re touch is everything to me.” He says.

          I shake my head. I don’t know how to feel that important to someone. I touch his cheek which now has the stubble that I’m familiar with. He closes his eyes. And then we hear it. Someone is in the house.

          “Guys!” I hear.

          “oh my god.” I say

          James’ eyes get big and we scramble but there’s not enough time. The only thing I do is lean closer into him and laugh. The door to the hot tub room opens. I am facing the door and he is back to.

          “Well hello.” Tony says

          “Hi.” I say with a smile.

          “Don’t you knock?” James asks

          “In my own home? No.” Tony answers.

          James sits up straighter making sure I am covered.

          “Come out when you’re ready and bleach that when you’re done will you?” Tony says.

          James frowns and rolls his eyes. I can only giggle. Tony leaves the room and we scramble to dry off and dress.

          We join Pepper, Tony, Steve, and Natasha in the living room. All of them smile and I see Steve’s face light up. He is happy to see his old friend. We join them in chairs that have been pulled into the room. We are asked to sit and James looks at me with concern. He is still terribly distrusting.

          “So we want to know if you will join our team.” Tony asks

          I look at James excited for him. He has been asked to be a hero instead of the assassin. I grab his hand and smile. He looks at me struck by uncertainty.

          “You’ll do great.” I say encouraging him.

          There are a few shared laughs in the room. Steve is shaking his head smiling.

          “What?” I ask

          “Not just him dear. You too.” Pepper says

          Me? “What?” I am dumbfounded

          “You attacked Captain America.” Natasha says accusing

          “I didn’t attack him. I was trying to stop him from hurting James.” I say defending myself

          “You climbed on a car, jumped, and landed on him knocking him to the ground.” Natasha says astounded

          “Hey! You had given her the shot.” Steve says

          “But…I….” The words don’t come to me. I am no one.

          “You’ll do great.” James says squeezing my hand.

          I close my open astonished mouth. I start to shake my head.

          “Please.” Tony says and he rolls his eyes. “You get paid a salary from S.H.E.I.L.D. and any personal appearances you make are your own decision.”

          “But you have to train.” Steve says. I meet his stern eyes.

          They are all very serious.

          “And we need to give you a big booster shot.” Natasha adds. She finishes with her lovely half smile.

          “I need to think about this.” I say

          “There’s nothing to think about. You stole Hydra’s Winter Soldier. You’re deep in it darling with no boots.” Tony says

         

          The next day I am amazed how comfortable my new boots are. In no time they have fashioned a suit for me made of neoprene and some other scientific jargon that I can’t even begin to understand. It hugs my curves and looking in the mirror next to the Black Widow I am amazed. I look just as hot and badass as her. I keep my hair back in a French braid to prevent tangles. The morning consisted of her teaching a few basic moves and repeating them a hundred times. I easily get bored with this and it shows in my performance. Natasha is not patient with me.

          Lunch time comes and I find James with Tony. James is laid back in a chair with a black tank top on. Tony is fascinated with his arm and does everything to it but take it apart and put it back together again. James’ clenched jaw lets me know he is not happy with Tony. His face changes when I walk in. His eyes grow bigger and his mouth parts slightly.

          “Hi.” I say giving a slight saunter and a smile.

          He returns the look.

          “You look amazing.” He says.

          I see Tony smile. I meet the soldier and give him a quick peck and then sit myself down on his right leg. There is door open to a compartment on James’ arm.

          “Is he still being mean to you?” I ask James. He knows I am mocking him slightly.

          “He could slip up. Then what am I going to do? Go back to Pierce?” He asks

          “I’m not going to slip up.” Tony responds. “I have plenty of Iron Man suits to prove that I am a genius.”

          I roll my eyes and laugh. James finds no humor in this. I want to change the subject.

          “Why don’t you invite Steve over? You guys can catch up.” I suggest

          “What am I going to tell him? That I’ve been too busy murdering people to be his friend.” James asks

          “That’s not fair to you.” I say

          He frowns. My look is stern.

          “Yeah I guess that would be a good idea.” He says

          “It’s okay with you right Tony?” I ask

          “Like I said bleach the hot tub.” He says

          I make a disgusted face. On the inside I honestly can’t think of much better than two hot men in a hot tub.

          I kiss James and head back to find Natasha. She and I spend some time shopping for some necessary items and then I am taken to a facility run by S.H.E.I.L.D. We enter a small building that is stark and modern. I am nervous. Today is the day of the big shot. I am still unsure of doing this but I need a weapon even if it’s my own body.

          There are forms to initial, sign, initial, sign, and sign again. I don’t read much. Im too nervous to read. I already signed on the dotted line once what could go wrong this time?

          We sit in a room with a few people buzzing around us. I remind myself this is for my sister. I need to do everything I can to get her back. I sit up and look Natasha directly in the eye.

          “You have to promise me if anything happens you get my sister back!” I say

          She ponders for a moment. I am sure she is going through a list of witty come backs in her head but her face is dead serious.

          “We’ll get her back together.” She says

          I relax in my chair. I am still worried. Natasha has assured me that nothing will go wrong but I still worry. Will I be the same person I was before? What if I’m allergic to it but the small dose didn’t do anything? They don’t leave me there to worry long. I am called back. Natasha goes with me. There is a short balding man with a doctors coat. He smiles when we approach.

          “Good Afternoon Dr. Miller.” Natasha greets him

          “Ms. Romanoff.” He says

          “This is Sadie Monroe.” Natasha says

          I don’t know what makes me surprised she knows my real name. Nothing should surprise me about this woman by now.

          “Sam.” I say and shake his hand smiling.

          “It’s nice to meet you. I’ve only heard good things.” The doctor says.

          Good things? I think about the kinds of things you hear about a white trash whore and the list is not that long or great.

He sits me on an examining table and explains that he’s going to give me a serum in the form of a needle or twenty.

          “We’ve come a long way since they did it to Steve. Though he didn’t reject it. Some people do.” Natasha says and adds. “You would’ve rejected it the first time I gave it to you.”

          I nod. I just want to get it over with. No more questions. The doctor gathers a few things. I changed from the uniform to Jeans and a tank top and a jacket before we came. I pull the jacket off and my shoes and jeans are next. I sit back down and nervously swing my legs back and forth. Before I am ready the doctor asks.

          “Are you ready?”

          “Yes.” I say nodding. My whole insides are screaming No!

          He nods and smiles. He uses a pad and some orange liquid to sterilize my skin where the needle goes in. Each arm is covered with it.

          “Cute.” I mutter

          I see Natasha smile.     

          “Here goes.” The doctor says.         

          The needle goes in my right arm. I can’t watch.

          “Again.” He says. It goes in again lower. “Again.” He pushes the needle in my forearm. The pain is bearable but I can’t find anything to focus on besides the pain. I feel the serum warm through my system.

          “Just nine more.” Natasha says

          I roll my eyes and let out a breath as the needle is coming out. She smiles slyly. I need to learn to do that.

          “What made you choose me?” I ask leaving the facility with Natasha

          “You’re a protector. You always have been.” She answers

          “What do you mean always?” I ask

          We climb in her black sports car. My body is sore from the injections. I have a big bottle of ibuprofen waiting for me at Tony’s.

          “We know you were abused when you were little. Your sister wasn’t.”

Natasha says

          “So?” I ask frustrated with wondering how she knows this about me.

          “So. Obviously you were protecting her.”

          “How do you know about the abuse?”

          “S.H.E.I.L.D. knows everything. You had a few teachers that tried to help you. They didn’t seem to get very far with their reports.”

          I sigh. I hate being haunted by the past I try to get so far away from.

          “I never told anyone. I didn’t know any better than to not be with my Mom. No matter how horrible she was all I knew what this is my mother.”

          “Well we see it. You try to protect and fight for everyone around you. It was Steve’s idea.”

          Steves? My eyebrows raise. The one I jumped on.

          “I’ve worked so hard to protect my sister and there she is. She shows up at the bunker and I’ve failed.”

          She starts the car. It roars to life.

          “You haven’t failed yet. We don’t intend to let you.” She says

          I give her a thankful smile and groan with soreness as I pull the seatbelt across my lap.

 

          At the house I find James and Steve in the living room. Both are laughing. I kiss James finding him drinking a beer.

          “You are old enough right?” I ask

          He shakes his head. “I should think so. I’m over 18.”

          “The legal age is 21.” I say taking the beer from him and taking a large gulp. He laughs.

          “I’m going to shower.” I say and kiss him again, and again for good measure. I catch Steve’s eye and he shakes his head.

          In the shower I find myself worrying about my sister. I want to call her but there is nowhere I can where the call won’t be traced. It would put myself and so many other people in danger. The only thing I can do is keep training and keep trying. She’s the only reason I have for being here and I need her for that reason.

          I stare in the mirror and see the bruises are fading. The doctor said I would heal quickly. I am only slightly sore from the injections. In the past more injections were given and the injections were stronger. Most people rejected so much serum at one time. I would need more as time passed if I wanted to continue along the same path as Steve or Natasha.

          My head hangs low. I am not sure I’m up for this new life. I just want Ally back.

          I run the blow dryer through my hair and change into the yoga pants and a T-shirt. I head back to the living room and hesitate to listen to James and Steve talking to one another. They are laughing. It brings joy to my heart hearing this from someone who was once so broken down from personality.

          I make my way to the kitchen and pour a large glass of white wine. After a few quick gulps of that I pour another. I remember the last time I had a drink and it sends a shudder through me. I shake the feeling off and make my way back to the living room. I smile when I see them and they return the smile.

          James grabs my hands and pulls me down next to him on the couch. He puts he arm around me and squeezes me tight. I am so relaxed with him. I can’t fully understand this feeling yet. He makes me warm and makes me content. I have never felt this way about a man before.

          “We were just about to watch Terminator. Have you seen it?” James asks

          “Neither of us have seen it.” Steve adds.

          “No thanks. I’ve seen it. Once was enough.” I answer with a smile.

          I finish the wine quickly and leave gathering a few beer bottles. James promises to find me when the movie is over.

          I put some dishes in the dishwasher but find I am easily preoccupied with the thoughts in my head. I want to relax. I want to find some peace within my brain but there’s too much wandering through. Another glass of wine will help I decide.

          An evening stroll through the garden and a bottle later I am in bed. The room is shaking but not like the night I was poisoned by Pierce. I am hot so I turn the ceiling fan on and strip out of my clothes. I am finally feeling tired. The men can be heard across the house making comments on the movie. I smile hearing how happy James is with his friend. It is chilly again so I slide under the covers and fall asleep quickly. Or maybe pass out.

          There is movement in the dark room and I wake up. I listen and turn over to see James changing.

          “Hi.” He says softly.

          I groan “Hey.”

          “I’m sorry I woke you.” He says

          “S’okay” I mumble. My head is fuzzy from sleepiness and alcohol. I feel the bed move and James pushes himself against me. He spoons me and wraps his arms around me.

          “You’re naked.” He says softly

          “I’m sorry.” I say

          He laughs in my ear. “No apologies necessary.”

          He kisses my ear and my neck. My head still feels sleepy but he is waking my body up.   

          He breaths in and the feel of his exhaling breath on my neck make my loins ache.

          “Your hair smells amazing.” He says

          I smile but he doesn’t know it. His hand trails from my arm, to my hip, to my stomach.

          “I just want to feel you. Okay?” He asks and nibbles on my ear.                       I giggle I can’t help it. His hand put a slight amount of pressure on my tummy and he presses himself against me. I am shocked by the feeling of pleasure. I move my hand behind me where I find his hip. He is wearing the cotton drawstring pants. I grab him and do my best to pull him into me again. He breaths heavy in my ear and pushes again. A short burst of breath that I have been holding escapes my lips.

          My conscience takes over and I realize I haven’t told him about my previous lifestyle. I turn over quickly and face him.

          “I have to tell you something.” I say

          He is quiet. He knows I’m serious.

          “My life before…well before I met you…well my sister.” This is frustrating. “My sister needed money to help get her through college so I decided to become a whore. Which is what I was doing when Pierce found me and brought me to you. He wanted me to sleep with you but you were never interested and here we are.”

          He doesn’t say anything. I sit up and turn the lamp on I want to see his face. The face that holds his telltale expressions. I hold the blanket around me and wait for him. He runs his fingers through his hair and I see him frown.

          “You were a hooker? Sold your body for money?” He asks

          His eyes close and he looks away from me. I hate the look on his face.

          “Yes but I hadn’t been doing it for that long and I didn’t sleep with many men.” I say.

          “That’s really a sad life choice.” He says

          Anger builds up in me quickly. “You’re so much better? You’re a murderer!” I say with my voice raised.

          He is hurt. I see it in his eyes.

          “I was brainwashed.” He says furious with me “You chose to sell yourself!”

          It was my turn to be hurt. “I did it for my sister.” I say and climb out of bed. I throw my clothes on and storm out of the room. If it weren’t for staying in someone else’s home I would try to slam the door off its hinges. I am fuming. I find my way outside and sit on the front steps. It’s a cool night but not too cool to be out in the T-shirt I was wearing.

          His words hurt. Part of me thinks I deserve it. It’s what I tell myself everyday anyway. Too stupid for college and too impatient for a real career. I wouldn’t be doing it if it weren’t for Ally. My tight muscles remind me that what all this was for. Her. And I would get her back if it was the last thing I did.

          Pepper wakes me sometime in the night. I have fallen asleep on their couch.

          “We have plenty of other rooms.” She says “Go upstairs.”

          I move slowly and groggily find my way to a room there.

          This time Natasha wakes me up. Her beautiful face is angry.

          “Didn’t you set your alarm?” She asks shaking me.

          “No.” I groan. It’s too early for this.

          “Get up!” She barks. “Now!”

          I sit up and adjust my eyes.

          “What the hell did you do last night?” She asks

          “Ya know got drunk.” I shrug

          “You’re an idiot.” She says. “I’m not babysitting you. Get ready you have an appointment. You have fifteen minutes!”

          I look at the clock on the nightstand and back to Natasha.

          “Fourteen minutes and thirty seconds.” She says and leaves the room.

          She is serious. I jump up and rush passed her trying not to fall down the stairs. I run the bedroom hoping to see James. He’s not there. I go into the bathroom and catch myself in the mirror. I suppress a shriek of shock. My body has change. Muscles everywhere. I quickly undress. My stomach is flat and hard. I have biceps and my breasts are smaller. Not too small, but smaller. I gasp looking in the mirror. My whole body has change. I laugh turning to look at the new muscles I have that flex in my butt.

          “Ten minutes!” I hear Natasha yell

          I jump in the shower and wash quickly. I jump out and pull on jeans and my new boots. I pull on a black cami. Quickly I pull back my wet hair and leave a wet braid hanging down my back. I grab a button down shirt and hurry out to Natasha.

          “One minute.” I hear her yell as I’m almost in the kitchen.

          “My boobs are smaller.” I whine as I round the corner to find her at the table. James is there chewing away. He stops as I walk in. I stop in midstride when I see him. He nearly takes my breath away with how handsome he is. He wears a long sleeve blue t-shirt that makes his blue eyes visible from across the room. I force myself to look away and push my arms through the shirt.

          “Are you ready?” I ask Natasha

          “Yep. I’ll pull the car up.” She says and walks away.

          There’s another hangnail that I pick at.

          “Why didn’t you come back to bed?” James asks

          “I was angry.” I answer.

          He sets his toast down and walks over to me. I am so distracted by him. His hair is still wet from his shower and he has it tucked behind his ears. I see his jaws tighten. He stands less than three feet in front of me.

          “I am sorry.” He says.

          “Are you really?” I ask. I hate apologies. Three stupid words that can be repeated a thousand times.

          “You are the most kind person I know and I hurt your feelings last night. I wasn’t thinking. I…I started thinking about sharing you with other men and the fact that you were simply performing a task in befriending me. My head went in the wrong direction.” He said with his blue eyes pleading.

          That was better than an apology.

          A car horn beeps and pulls me back to reality.

          “I….” I put my hand to my forehead. “I’ve got to go.” I say I turn away and he grabs my arm.

          “Please come back to me?” He begs. His forehead wrinkles with his request. I nod and turn away. Tears prick my eyes but I will them away and dart out the door. I jump in the car and look at Natasha.

          “What?” I ask wondering why she’s not speeding away after hurrying me along.

          “He needs you, you know.” She says

          I look away and roll my eyes.

          “Shut up and drive.” I say grumpily but she knows I am only saying it cause she is right.

          The day is filled with tests and training and more tests and more blood work. I find my appetite has increased more than a lady would like to admit. Natasha laughs at me most of the day cause of my lack of skill. I, however, am completely impressed with myself. I can easily do flips, push ups, pull ups, easily lift heavy object, and jump 8 ft in the air. This was a new life I could get used to. More eating.

          I am tired by then end of the day. Natasha seems satisfied with some of the progress I have made. I am ready to fully punch Pierce through his face. Enough blood has been taken from me to wear me out. Though I have learned my body will now easily replace its blood so much is taken the doctor tells Natasha to take me home.

          Tony, Steve, Pepper, and James are in the living room. I find they hold back laughter as I enter. I am tired. Run hard and put up wet. I slouch in the entrance of the room.

          “You’ve been training with Natasha?” Tony says

          “Yup.” I reply.

          All laugh except James. His eyes are filled with concern.

          “We’re going to dinner. Would you like to go?” Pepper asks

          “No thanks but if you could bring me something back that would be sweet.” I say

          “What would you like?” She asks

          “Anything.” I answer “I’m going to go die now.”

          They laugh and I walk away. I feel like a zombie walking to the shower. My muscles ache and I’m more tired than I have ever been in my life. I strip in the bathroom and stare again in the mirror. I am still shocked by the muscles but I dare not flex any this time as there would be too much pain. I stand in the shower letting the hot water relax the aching muscles. They seem to be getting better. The doctor explained with the blood loss I wouldn’t heal as quickly as normal but I should feel one hundred percent by morning. I wash then wash again feeling like parts of my body have sweat, that never sweat before. When I step out I think about getting dressed but instead I wrap a towel around my head and a towel around my body and I leave the bathroom.

          He is there as handsome as ever and I see the lost look in his eyes. I panic for a moment remembering the painful days of the past. Never knowing how he would react to anything. Always knowing he wouldn’t remember who I was. But I see that he is alert and not brainwashed.

          “Are you okay?” He asks

          I sit down groaning in the chair in the room.

          “Yes just tired, worn out.” I say

          He nods. “I’ll leave you alone then.”

          I am set into panic mode as I see him walking towards the door. I find as tired as I am I don’t want him to leave me, ever. The last thing I want is for him to walk away from me.

          “Are you going to dinner with them?” I try to ask nonchalantly. I doubt it works.

          He turns to me.

          “I….guess so.” He answers.

          I am frustrated on the inside. I pretend to be distracted by toweling off my hair. He moves towards the door again. I am annoyed with myself. He is everything to me, second to my sister. He is the only man I have ever wanted to be around. To hold me and love me. He is the warmth that I have needed for 26 years of a damned life not worth living if I let him walk away from me.

          “Dammit!” I growl and throw the towel down. I rush to him and he turns looking frightened. I smash my body into his and I hear the hinges creek. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. He is taken by surprise but easily returns the kiss. His arms wrap around me and I press into him. He pulls me tighter by the waist. I hear him moan and he pulls away.

          “Wait…just wait.” He says holding up a finger and smiling.

          He opens the door. “I’m not going to dinner.” He yells to whoever is listening. A response is made but neither of us hears it. He shuts the door and turns back to me. I attack him again grabbing at the hem of his shirt I pull it over his head. He laughs at my desperation. I run my fingers through the waist of his pants and pull him closer to me. With both hands I work at his belt. It loosens and the button of his jeans are next.

          “Hang on.” He says and laughs. I am impatient, but he puts his hands on the sides of my face and pulls me into a soft kiss. He moves away and presses his forehead to mine. His eyes are closed.

          “I don’t know how it has happened, but I….I think I’m in love with you.” He says and his shoulders drop like he has lifted a weight from them. I kiss him sweetly and kiss him again. I don’t want my stupid words to ruin his happiness. I want to scream it back to him. I want to shout it to the others in the house but I am filled with doubt. I am filled with the hatred of a life filled with no love of any kind to share. Maybe I can show him.        

          I pull him towards the bed where I take off the towel. His eyes grow wide and he smiles again.

          “What is this?” He says and touches the muscles lining my stomach. My skin jumps from the feel of his fingers. I laugh at the feeling. He touches me again this time trailing his fingers across my stomach. The feeling is still there but I am able to control it a little better. I reach out to him but he gently moves my hand away. He continues to touch my skin like it’s something he’s never seen before. His hand wanders my hips and my thighs. Around to my back and he lightly grips my bottom. He pulls me closer.

          “You had me worried about your breasts this morning.” He says with a grin. I roll my eyes and chuckle.

          “They’re still there.” I say

          “Yes…they are.” He says and dips his head down to kiss my neck. His hands find my breasts and it feels amazing. Even they are sore from the training but his touch is soft. He pulls his head up quickly.

          “Tony gave me… protection.” He says

          I laugh. “Good we need it.” I say

          James opens the nightstand drawer and pulls out a roll of foil packets containing around twenty condoms. This makes me laugh harder. James is confused.

          “That might get us through the night.” I move to him and pull the rest of his clothing off. I take the roll out of his hand and rip one of. I tear open the packet. He is watching me curiously. He jumps and gasp’s when I take his man hood in my hand. I kiss him and he is easily ready. I roll the condom on him and he looks down at the strange object covering his erection. I can’t hold back a laugh.

          “Hey!” He says.

          We laugh together and kiss. I am amazed how he makes me feel. Every nerve ending feels alive with his touch.

          I peal back the covers and lay on the bed. He joins me. He moves on top of me. I want to tell him to be easy I need him to be but I think he knows. He kisses me softly and eases some of the worry that is filled in my head. I move my legs to his sides and I’m ready for him. I want him so bad it hurts.

          “Make love to me please.” I beg him.

          He stares at me for a long moment searching to see if this is really what I want. He positions himself and I feel him touch my entrance. I moan from the contact. He enters me and I nearly cry out with joy. I hear his own sigh and he is on top of me. His skin pressed to mine like I want it. I whisper his name over and over. I can’t get enough. It doesn’t take him long to reach his first orgasm but fortunately he reaches for the next condom before I can say anything.

“It’s been a while.” He says with a sheepish grin.

 He pushes into me again and it’s more magnificent than the first time. I hold him against me even when the heat is too much to bear. I have never felt more loved in my life and want to relish every second of it. His hands roam freely. I grip his back holding on for dear life. It doesn’t take long and I am climaxing with him. I don’t know if it’s the new muscles or simply the joy of being with him but it’s the most intense of my life. I bite my lip not to cry out as I am not sure if we are alone in the house. He moans in my neck trying to stifle his own sounds.

 

He is trailing circles around my stomach as we lay together. I am so happy to have made love to this man I literally felt like I was glowing. I can’t hide the stupid grin on my face so I turn over on my side facing away from him. His metal arm trails the circles on my lower back. I nuzzle his arm which is underneath of my chin. My thoughts move to places I don’t want them to but I realize I haven’t told him anything of my past.

“I never told you and I feel like I need to tell you I was abused when I was young.” I say the words quietly. He turns me over to face him. There is some sort of rage written all over him.

“When I was little.” I say. “My mom wasn’t a very good mother. Her partners liked to touch and hit little girls.”

“I’m sorry.” He says.

I shake my head. He kisses my cheek. I reach out and touch his shoulder and rub my fingers across his skin to his neck.

“I never let it happen to my sister. I think that’s what made me so drawn to you. I saw her in you. The abuse that you had no control over. I never wanted it to happen to you. I hated that it happened.”

“You saved me.” He said

“I didn’t save you.” I say

          “You did. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. I would still be a brainwashed assassin. I have vague memories of you standing up to the guards for me.”

          I smile and he kisses my lips.

          “You’re my hero.” He teases

          The next day is the day I am promised that we will get my sister back. I am so nervous it’s hard to breath. We are all assembled near the bunker area where I am not sure if she is still there. Pierce isn’t stupid he would know eventually I would come back for her.

          Tony, Natasha, Steve, James and I stand outside the vehicle that brought us here. I tried to get James not to come. He didn’t need to be back in that hole for any longer than he had to. We review the diagram that is drawn from the best of my memory.

          “You and Bucky go in from the right. Natasha and I from the left and Tony from above.” Steve points to specific spots on the map. We all have earpieces that will keep us in contact. I have a gun that I am nervous to use but I’m sure I will. James is not. It’s difficult seeing him back in his assassin armor. Black cargo pants, black boots, black vest, and dark glasses that are now positioned on top of his head. I’m wearing the black suit fashioned for me but on top I’m wearing blue coveralls borrowed from a fellow shield agent. It fit me well but I had to roll up the sleeves and tuck in the legs. I wore a belt with compartments that held disc’s to shock the enemy. They were Natasha’s favorite. Also extra ammo and a small grenade came along with me.

          “This is going to be easy.” Steve says “We’ll be in and out with your sister in no time.” He squeezes my shoulder and I appreciate the gesture of kind words.

          As Steve promises we take on the outer perimeter easily. I am with James while Natasha and Steve are disabling vehicles. We take out of few guards whether it be by force or Steve putting them to sleep. He was an expert at it. I needed to learn how to do that. Twenty guards lay around while we enter the building. The elevator is the only way in so that is how we go.  No one is on it. We push the button to reach underground and wait. Tony is in front, Steve in front of Natasha with his shield and James insists on standing in front of me. The doors open and gunshots are fired. The sound is deafening but I feel I am the only one who is affected by it. There is a small round object rolled on the floor into the elevator with us. I grab for it and throw it out. A second after it leaves my hand it explodes in the air. Tony pushes his way through the remaining guards and we follow him out fighting our way through. I see them push Natasha to one side and Steve goes with her. I panic as I realize we are becoming separated. Tony is blasting away at guards and James is fighting with ease. I had never seen him in action and he was almost artful to watch with precise placed movements. I am easily fighting off armed men and it takes me by surprise each time. Another group of guards enter. I start to lose the upper hand. Tony is there, he has my back. He and I are together and I look around to see James, Natasha, and Steve are gone. With all the commotion we were separated. I know we are near where James was held. I am unsure if I should find him or Ally. I look around in a panic.

          “Bucky will be fine. Let’s get your sister.” He says reading my mind

          He is right. I nod but give the room a final once over. We move down the corridor and as we near the room where James was held I hear voices. We move towards them and I see him. He is with Pierce. Pierce holds a gun pointed at Ally. Pierce’s sickening face smiles when I enter. Tony and I stand beyond the bars that kept the soldier from harming anyone.

          “Ms. Monroe, It’s so nice to see you.” He says

          I see Ally. She is upset but doesn’t look hurt.

          “I want my sister!” I shout angrily.

          “The soldier for Ally.” Pierce says.

          I am burning up inside. James looks to me and pulls his glasses off. He sets his gun down and pulls off his belt that contains grenades and knives.

          “What are you doing?” I ask frantic

          “Your sister.” He answers. His eyes are pleading.

          “But, James…No.” I say

          Pierce chuckles. “James? That’s adorable.” He says.

          I want to rip his eyes out for the hundredth time.

          “Sam, I love you.”

          My heart crashes.

          Ally moves to me. She is hesitant in her steps but Pierce let’s her leave. He locks the door behind her. I grab her tight as I can.

          “Are you okay?” I ask grasping the sides of her face. She is crying but through her tears she nods.

           “Get her out of here.” I say to Tony.

          “Don’t be stupid Sam.” He says

          “I’m not leaving without him.” I shout. “Go!”

          Tony grabs her by the arm and I watch them leave out of sight. I turn around to Pierce. James is taking his jacket off.

          “James stop!” I shout. His look is so sad. What is he doing? I see his eyes widen a little and he looks behind me. I turn and see the chauffer. It’s too late he hits me with the gun he holds. I stumble back to the bars and catch them for support.

          “Don’t hurt her!” James shouts with rage in his voice.

          The chauffer points the gun at my head and turns me around.

          “She likes it rough. Ask her.” He says and pushes himself against me holding the gun to my head. Anger is coursing through my veins. James takes a step toward me but stops as pierce points his gun in my direction. I see the defeat all over James’ body.

          “In the chair.” Pierce says to James.

          “No.” I shout. The chauffer nudges me with the gun pressed to my temple. Tears are streaming down my face.

          James had become my world and I was going to lose him. He had come from the shadows into the light with me and he was going back.

          I watch horrified as he pulls his jacket off.

          “Please James.” I don’t know if I’m begging for his life or mine. He won’t look at me. His jaws are clenched. He takes his shirt off and I see his chest is heaving. It matches my own. This is how I met him. Sitting in the room with his chest bare and vulnerable as an assassin could be. This man had become my world. He pulled me from a dark life with no love and no one to trust. His warmth eased the coldness in my soul and made me feel alive for once in the hell I was living.

          I watch as he sits in the chair. Pierce gives him a mouth piece. He obeys like a good little soldier.  With his head hung low James places it in his mouth. I was watching him leave me. James would be gone and the soldier would be back. Pain surges through my chest and I fall to the floor. His eyes that won’t meet mine are blank. I can’t see him like this. I can’t watch this happen. His touch that I needed would be gone. I was ready to leave the dark life behind with only days of light in my future. It would’ve been with him, but he would be gone.

          “James, I love you.” I scream. His frantic eyes dart to mine and I hear Pierce hit a button. The machine roars to life and surrounds James head. He immediately screams in pain. I can’t watch. His sounds echo through the room. James was everything to me and I lost him. The only person besides my sister that showed me an ounce of love and respect.  In an instant my everything was gone. The new world I was living had been taken from me with the touch of a button. I wanted him to be happy and live a normal life and I ended up falling in love with him and wanting to be a part of that life. It was gone.  All I ever wanted was to protect him from this abuse, from a life of hell. He didn’t want that life or deserve it and I failed him. I failed.

          A sound draws my attention behind me. The chauffer drops to the floor. Steve is there. He must’ve knocked him down. He jumps back up and I rush him growling with anger. I slam him against the wall and punch him with a balled fist as I had been taught. He is surprised by my strength but I am not. I hit him again and again. He pushes me back. I grab the knife from my belt and slam it into his chest. He looks at me horrified and the look pleases me. I reach for my gun and aim. Steve puts his hand on me.

          “That’s enough.” He says

          With a face full of rage I push Steve away and shoot. Blood splatters and I flinch but I am satisfied. I turn the gun to Pierce. He looks frightened.

          “Turn it off.” I yell

          That smirk fills his face.

          “If I turn it off now he’ll be a vegetable.” He says

          “You’re lying!” I shout and walk towards him with the gun aimed.

          “Try me.” He answer’s cooly.

          He moves his hand towards the button and I lower my weapon.

          “Let’s go.” Steve says touching my arm.

          I see the soldier. His shoulders hang and his arm are limp. At least he is not in pain now. How can I walk away from him? Leave him here with Pierce? I let my soldier down. My chest aches.

          “There’s nothing you can do.” Steve says.

          I look at Steve’s eyes. He is pained too. He had his friend back for too short of a time. I cut my eyes to Pierce. He stands waiting. He knew what to do to keep the soldier alive we didn’t.

          Steve and I walk away defeated.

          James, my soldier, was gone.

 

          Life after James wasn’t easy. I went back to the bunker but they were all gone. It was empty. I roamed the halls feelings my heart pounding in my chest. There were too many memories. I couldn’t stay for long. I did manage to grab a few things from the room I stayed in. I could still smell bits of the man I fell in love with on my favorite sweatshirt. Eventually I moved in with Steve. We found comfort in each other. I savored stories of he and James’ childhood together. We laughed and cried together. Myself more than Steve. He had already cried from losing his friend years ago.

          Ally had transferred to a school in Europe. I was sad she was so far away from me but I couldn’t handle Pierce being able to get his hands on her again. We contacted each other rarely because of this. S.H.E.I.L.D. put a tracker in her as well so I could easily find out if she was okay.

          Depression was my new companion. I kept my distance from everyone except Steve. I felt this was due to his connection with James. Steve and I participated in small missions together. I listened to him. He was patient with me. Natasha would’ve knocked me around a bit for my behavior. Tony was right S.H.I.E.L.D. took good care of me. I could’ve gotten an apartment of my own but the bond Steve and I now shared kept us together. He was a good person and I was happy to be his friend.

          There were no reports of the Winter Soldier anywhere. I searched world happenings regularly. I worried about his safety. More than likely they were keeping him in cryo somewhere until things died down. They would never die. I would never let him go. I would find him if it was the last thing I did with my beating heart. He was my soldier, my life, and my love. We would be together again, someday.

 

The end

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe………………

 

 

 

 

**If you want more please let me know. I have things bouncing around in my brain but I haven’t been able to put it down on paper yet.**

**Thank you Thank you Thank you for all the reviews, follows, and favorites. I know its not perfect but I’m very proud of this story and I’m glad I have a resource to share it. Thank you all so much!**

**http://www.tumblr.com/blog/sicariluv**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

         

         

 

                                                                                                              

 

 

 

         

 

  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

         

         

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

         

 

 

         

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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